Me, Myself and Mommy

December was jam packed and wonderful from start to finish. I’m trying to remember something that wasn’t enjoyable, and nothing is coming to mind. Don’t worry. I’m sure I had a meltdown or two in there somewhere.

I wrote a post that was published on Momversation on December 2nd. It was so exciting to see something that I had written on a website that I admire. Writing that post taught me just how hard it is to write for someone else, especially since the topic was open ended. I look forward to doing similar projects in the future.

December was a busy month for us at church. On December 6th, Steve gave Moanna her Baby Blessing. Typically, this blessing is performed when children are infants. However, we were not members of the church when Moanna was born, and Steve did not receive the Priesthood until this Fall. On that same day, I was called as the Relief Society Secretary. I’ve been struggling to stay afloat with this calling, but I am slowly getting my ducks in a row. Just when I think I have this whole thing figured out, something new comes along. Then, the following Sunday, Steve gave his first talk in church. His topic was discipleship.

Funny story, at about 10:00PM the Saturday before his talk, I looked at him and was like, “Are you ready for tomorrow?” He freaked out because he thought i he wasn’t talking until the following week. It was too late to call someone to confirm or to beg for more time, so Steve prepared his talk. The next day we walk into church, and find out that Steve’s talk was scheduled for the following Sunday (Steve was right.). However, because of the mild ice storm a representative from Lynchburg that was scheduled to come talk, was unable to make it. The bishopric was trying to figure out how to fill that time during sacrament, so they were relieved when they heard Steve was prepared to speak. (I win.)

We did not decorate for Christmas this year. I know, I know. Bahumbug. I had my reasons. One reason was, we were not going to be here for Christmas. I did not have time to decorate and undecorate, especially if we were not going to be home. Since we would not be home for Christmas to enjoy the decorations, we wanted to take the time we were going to use to decorate to do other Holiday things.

For example, instead of decorating, we went to a Live Nativity. I think it was called “Journey to Bethlehem.” A local church puts it together every year for two weekends in December. It was teeth-chattering cold outside, so we wore multiple layers to stay warm. When we got there, it was well worth the three pairs of underwear Steve insisted on wearing. There were people in costumes acting. There was music. There was fire. There was a little Bethlehem. There were live animals. There was a baby Jesus (pretend – no real life babies were used in the making). And at the end, there was hot apple cider. It was so much fun, and free… minus the pretend taxes we had to pay. People come from all over to participate in this wonderful activity, and watch the story of Christmas come to life.

Just a few days after a massive snow storm plowed through Virginia, I  turned 25. Actually, Steve and I both celebrated our birthdays in December. Mine was the 22nd, and Steve’s was the 29th. Yep, that’s right; I’m a whole week older than him. He hates it. It’s crazy to think that we are a quarter of a century old. We are starting a new life quarter as the world begins a new decade. What will come? What will come?

On the 23rd, we journeyed to Maryland to spend Christmas with Steve’s parents and grandfather. It usually only takes us four hours to get there; with the Holiday traffic, it took us six hours with no stopping. However, once we got there, it was a relaxing and laidback week. Moanna played and played and played with Steve’s family. She couldn’t get enough of it, and they couldn’t get enough of her. We ate and ate and ate. I’m still full from all the food we ate.

On Christmas morning, we spent more than two hours opening presents and taking pictures. This is Moanna’s third Christmas, so she was really getting into it. She had to take every teeny- tiny piece of paper off of each present, and then she wanted to take it out of the box and put it together before she opened her next gift. We had three cameras going nonstop. I’m thinking that between the three cameras, we probably took close to a thousand pictures, maybe more.

(We did Christmas with my family on New Year’s Day. Since that is technically, January. I’ll tell you all about it in my January Reflections.)

While we were in Maryland, we stopped by to see the lighthouse that we got married at. When we pulled up, we asked Moanna if she remembered it. She said, “That’s where we got married!” We then drove by the boat we had our rehearsal dinner on, and asked if she remembered that. She remembered. “That’s the special boat we were on. Andy was there. Grandma and Grandpa were there. My friends were there. Everyone was there.” It’s been a long time since we were there, and by the magic of toddler memory, Moanna knew exactly where we were.

New Year’s Ever was low key for us. The three of us stayed home and wore our party hats as we watched movies and ate popcorn. Moanna wore her party shoes and stayed up until the New Year too. She had no idea what was going on, but she was excited.

December was busy, but busy in a good way. It was good to be busy with family things and things of the Holiday season. December gave us many opportunities to serve others and to get outside of ourselves and our own issues. We loved that Steve and I were able to take two whole off from work weeks together; which is something we’ve not been able to do in several years. We loved that we had so much time to spend with Moanna, demon temper tantrums and all.

2009 was a good run. It was not easy all of the time. There were days, that I didn’t know if we would make it. We had challenges of all kinds in 2009: work, family, medical, financial, personal, you name it. On the shinier side of the coin, we got married and baptized. Moanna was given a blessing. We watched many friends get married.  I started writing. Steve changed jobs. I was promoted. We learned from all of our challenges. We learned to appreciate our time together and time with family in a whole new way. We learned to take risks. Moanna gave up her binky and blanket. She also went from baby to little girl; excuse me, big girl. We made a lot of memories. We laughed. We laughed when it hurt, and we laughed until it hurt.

Because I am a total slacker, and because life between Thanksgiving and now has been a whirlwind, I never got around to writing a Reflections post for November. Which is a shame. November wasn’t too shabby. To make it up to you, I threw something quick together. I was going to do a combo Reflection of November and December, but it turned into something so long, it exhausted me to read it. I’m sure I won’t have a very clear vision of November, but I will do my best to remember.

The first week and a half of November I was still on medical leave. Mentally, it was a very tormenting time. There were moments when I was dying to return to work. I was ready to get up an move on. Then, there were times that the idea of returning to work made me ill. I had gotten very comfortable at home. There were also times when I didn’t know what I wanted or how I felt.

On November 10th, I returned to work. I was surprised at how relieved I was to be back. It was nice to get dressed and accomplish things. I struggled. I was exhausted. Thankfully I was able to return with light duty work and on limited hours. I had to embrace the changes that had naturally taken place while I was out. It’s both comforting and challenging to realize that things continue when you are away.

During the weeks following my return to work,  most of our efforts were spent working to figure out how to, once again, juggle our schedules, maintaining a home, and of course keeping Moanna happy, healthy and entertained. It’s amazing how quickly we unlearn how to juggle. It’s not quite like riding a bike, you have to practice and it’s inevitable that you will drop a ball or all of them.

Thanksgiving week was a very fulfilling week for us. It was also a huge blessing for me and my body, as I readjusted to life as a working woman. We squeezed in three Thanksgiving meals and made apple butter. On Wednesday, we had Thanksgiving with my Family. Thursday we had Thanksgiving lunch at Nanny and PopPop’s, and Thanksgiving dinner with my Dad’s Family. Thursday evening, and all day Friday we made a butt load of apple butter. Unfortunately, with just a few days off, we were not able to make it to Maryland for this break.

The Sunday following Thanksgiving, I gave my first talk in church. Eeeek. It was about family. I referenced all of the Thanksgiving meals we had, and all of the many other people we share food with. I then explained that family to me is not exclusive to the people on our family tree, but they are everyone we share food with. When we share food, we are also laughing, crying, making memories, arguing, sharing major life changes and learning from each other. Therefore, these people are family.

November was a good month. I wish I had written my thoughts and reflections of it much sooner than now. It was a sink or swim kind of month, and I think we managed to at least tread water.

October came and went, and I feel like I missed most of it. I’m having a hard time remembering what happened during the first three weeks. It’s kind of like trying to remember what you dreamed about; you know you had a crazy dream and you remember a few scenes, but mostly it’s foggy. That is what most of October has been like for me. Things did pick up at the end. I have many happy memories from the last week of October to make up for all of the stuff that I can’t remember from the beginning.

After realizing that I was still struggling to recover from surgery, and seeing the impact that it had on Moanna, Steve and I decided that it would be best if Mo went to Maryland to visit with Steve’s parents for awhile. We knew that it was best for Moanna, myself and everyone else involved. Typically, I’m more than happy to have Moanna spend a few weeks here and there in Maryland, and I’m grateful we had that option for her this time. However, it was harder to see her go this time because she was going because I was unable to care for her.

She had a great time. She got her ears pierced, rode horses, went to a pumpkin patch, went camping TWICE and all kinds of other fun stuff. And, while she was out living it up with Grandma Annette and Grandpa Bob, I rested and recovered. I didn’t do much else in the time that she was gone outside of sleeping, eating, and lounging.

Steve had a very eventful October. He was laid off from his job. Instead of panicking, we looked for the blessings in this challenge. Steve was able to spend time helping me as I recovered, and working on projects in the house. He has been able to seriously consider finishing school; something that would have never been possible based on his old work schedule. Steve has returned to sales, and has been able to generate more income and job satisfaction than he was as a district manager.

In addition to the job change, Steve managed to find himself in two car accidents within just over 48 hours of each other. The first one, not his fault. He was rear ended in traffic. The second one, completely his fault. He ran into a tree. How? He has no idea. NO IDEA. Other than some brusing and stiffness, he was thankfully unharmed. We now have a 2001 (I think) Passat to replace the truck.

The weekend before Halloween, my Grandpa Al and Grandma Mary came to visit from Ohio. We hadn’t seen them since our wedding in May. Their time here was very laid back. Most of the time was spent at my parent’s house eating a lot of home cooked food, watching movies and spending time catching up. Up until their last morning here, Moanna was still in Maryland, and Steve was out of town on business. Before they headed back North, Grandpa Al and Grandma Mary came to our house to visit with Moanna and Steve and have breakfast.

After Moanna came home from Maryland, I started to feel much better. I had a reason to get out of bed, a reason to cook, a reason to smile and I reason to move on from surgery. For the first time in a month and a half, I was able to pick her up and hold her. She, of course, had no time to snuggle because her week was booked full with Halloween activities.

The Halloween celebrations started on Wednesday. Our church held a Chili Cook-Off and Trunk-or-Treat. We ate chili, played games and went Trunk-or-Treating. When we were done Trunk-or-Treating, we stuck Moanna in the trunk to hand out candy.

On Thursday, Moanna went to a Halloween party with some of her playmates. They went Trick-or-Treating and decorated pumpkins. She came home with all kinds of stories about how much fun she had with her friends.

Friday was filled with Fall Fun. With less than an hour’s notice, Moanna and I got ready to go to lunch with my Mom and Grandma Pam on the Blue Ridge Parkway. We ended up spending most of the day on the mountain. We looked for leaves, went for a walk and took a lot of pictures. A LOT OF PICTURES. We had to return from our adventure, so that Moanna could, yet again, go Trick-or-Treating. This time it was Trick-or-Treating at all of the local businesses. It’s great for little kids because it starts at 4:00PM; it’s still light outside and early enough that it doesn’t mess with dinner and bedtime routines (not that we have either of those, but it’s good for families that managed to stay on schedule). When we returned home, we made collages out of the leaves we collected, and hung them on the front door. Our last activity of the night was carving a small pumpkin. Moanna was completely grossed out by it at first, but she eventually got the pumpkin cleaned out so that Steve could carve it.

By the time Halloween finally arrived, I was pooped and Moanna had enough candy to get her through Halloween next year. Instead of going out Trick-or-Treating again, we stayed home. We dressed Moanna up in her costume for the fourth day in a row, and put her in charge of handing out candy. I strongly encourage this for oh-so-many reasons. Your little one learns that it is fun to give away candy, your house doesn’t get completely over taken by candy, and you don’t get stuck carrying the kid home when they tucker out on you ten blocks from home.

I wish that the first three weeks of October were filled with as many happy memories as the last week, but I’ll take what I can get. I’m grateful that I had the energy and strength to enjoy Halloween with my family. I was really worried that the end of the month would come, and I would still be struggling to get up in the mornings. It’s still a challenge to get through day sometimes, but I’m making progress.

We are looking forward to November, and spending more time with family and friends as the Holidays approach. We have set new goals for our family, big ones and little ones. We are continuing to search for ways to improve our lives. Most importantly, we are taking it day-by-day, and finding the blessings that come with each new challenge.

Here we are again. The month is half over, and I’m just now looking back at September. At some point I’m going to run out of excuses for putting these posts off for so long. For now, I’m simply going to blame it on the weather.

September began on a low note. However, I had no idea that I would spend the month singing Green Day’s “Wake Me Up When September Ends”.

The entire month was shaped by a very complicated miscarriage that ultimately ended in emergency surgery. I’ve written about the whole thing at length, so I’m not going to bore you to tears by retelling the story again. However, if you’ve not had a chance to read about the experience, I invite you to take a moment to do that now.
The Miscarriage – Part 1: The Loss
The Miscarriage – Part 2: Waiting to Move On
The Miscarriage – Part 3: From the ER
The Miscarriage – Part 4: To The OR

I think it was the day after Labor Day when I stepped out on my front porch to see that one lone tree on our block had burst into colors of orange and red and had begun to shed leaves. I swear it happened over night because the last time I looked at that tree, it is was green and bushy. It makes me wonder if the tree knows something the rest of us don’t. Is it trying to warn us of the winter ahead? Or, is it just so excited about the fall festivities, and quickly approaching holidays that it just couldn’t wait any longer? I wonder…

I’ve recently noticed that Moanna has begun to play by herself more often. She will spend extended periods of time in her room working on projects and pretending to do things. She is imagining stories, and holding conversations with her stuffed animals. Any day now, I’m expecting to be introduced to her first imaginary friend. I just hope that it is a well behaved and well mannered friend.

Steve spent much of his time and energy in September taking care of our family. In addition to making sure that I am comfortable, Steve has had the weight of caring for Moanna and our house placed on his shoulders entirely. It’s been hard on him, and I can tell that some days, he’s exhausted. Despite that exhaustion, he has remained cheerful and positive the entire time.

On September 24, my cousin Nic and his new wife Amy were married in Michigan. Because of my surgery, we were unfortunately unable to make it to the celebration. However, we are so excited for the two of them, and the new adventures that will come their way.

More people than I care to count have seen me medicated, unshowered and in my sweats in recent weeks. And you know? That’s OK with me because it means that I spent my month surrounded by people who love me – even when I’m stinky. September was a rough month, but I was far from alone in my battles. In fact, I was reminded that we are never alone in our life battles, we just need to know when to reach out for help.

As you may recall, at the end of July, I was very hesitant to begin my August. To some degree those cold feet were justified, but for the most part August was OK. Now that this month is half over, it is hard to reflect back on August. It’s all a bit hazy, clouded by September. I will do my best to look back at August without allowing recent events to alter my memories too much.

August began, and I was still enjoying my first “real” vacation since beginning my current job over a year and a half ago. Sure, I’d had a few days off hear and there, but they were spent scurrying to get ready for a holiday or our wedding, or they were spent sick. This is the first time I had two weeks off uninterrupted – almost. I spent that time embracing the opportunity to rest, reflect and clean my home. I began crying days before I had to return to work. That is how much I enjoyed cooking, couponing, shopping and cleaning for my family. I was not ready to leave my stay-at-home fantasy and return to my corporate self.

Moanna spent the first few weeks of August in Maryland with Steve’s parents. She came home with longer hair, manners, no binki and doing a great job on the potty. I swear, we are going to send her up there when she is three or four and she is going to come home with a cellphone and training-bra. She changes so much in just a few weeks time.

With Mo gone, Steve and I were able to spend guiltless time together. We went on a couple of great dates, and conquered a few big projects at home. It was nice to do grownup things wihtout feeling guilty for not spending that free time with the munchkin.

On August 21, Steve and I went in opposite directions for the weekend. Steve headed to Maryland to pick up Mo, and to spend some time with his parents. He sent me a text message late that night that said, “Moanna has not stopped talking since I walked in the door.” I wonder where she got that from? STEVE. I headed South to Chapel Hill to attend Johanna’s wedding (I call her Jodi – it is lovingly short for Johanna Dits). My senior year of high school she took me on her family vacation to Hawaii. It is by far one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, and where Moanna’s   name comes from. Moanna means ocean in Hawaiian.  She is one of my best friends, and it was so great to spend the day celebrating with her and her family.

On a sad note. Mid August, Steve and I found out that I was pregnant. We were excited to know that our family was growing. However, just over a week later I had a miscarriage (the bad day I have referred to a few times in recent posts). Amazingly enough, we were not devastated in the way we both imagined we would be when put in this situation. We are sad, but accept it as part of God’s plan. I am still dealing with physical complications from the miscarriage, but I promise to share the whole story when things start to calm down.

Thankfully, a few days after the miscarriage, we were able to spend the last weekend of August with family. On Saturday, we went to the Lexington Community Festival where we met up with my Mom and youngest brother, Evan. It was nice to get out of the house for a few hours and be around people and sunshine. The next day, my very Greek Dad and his wife Janet came to visit. We had not seen them since December, just before Dad’s liver transplant. It was the first time Pappous and Yiayia (Grandpa and Grandma in Greek)  really had the chance to spend time with Moanna. Pappous was very excited that he and Mo were able to play with dump trucks and race cars instead of dolls and makeup.

Despite our loss, we truly feel blessed that August allowed us to spend quality time with family and friends. We were given the opportunity to realize what is really important to us, and what this life is all about. It may seem like a set back, but ultimately August has pushed us forward and closer together.