Reflections: October and November 2010

Instead of guilting myself for not “Reflecting” in a timely manner, I’m going to skip that part and move right into a new “Reflections” plan. From now on, I am going to “Reflect” when I remember to and feel like it. This way I can skip the apologizes and guilt when I let these posts fall to wayside. I also think that these “Reflection” posts were more important to me when I was running around like a mad woman, and didn’t have time to think about where I had been or what I’d done. Now that I have time on a regular basis to think of life as it goes along, I no longer need to force myself to sit my butt down and think about life. I do, however, feel that is important to “Reflect” on line from time-to-time, you know, kind of like an assessment and meditation. Now, I’m really getting tired of using quotations around the word “Reflections” and the different forms of the word, so let’s move right into the “Reflections.” It’s getting on your nerves too isn’t it?

October and November blended together more than I thought possible. The only two months that have blended together more than October and November would be the way November and December blended together. If it weren’t for Halloween, I wouldn’t be able to tell ya when October ended and November began. It was much easier for me to recognize the end of a month and the start of a new one when I was working and monthly planning was a big part of my life. There were reports due at the end of the month, and meetings to organize for the new month. It was like a mini celebration and mini flogging all at the same time. Yay we did it! Oh crap, we have to do it again, and this time we have to do it better. Maybe I could keep track of time and not let it slip away from me, if I organize my domestic life more like a business day/month/quarter/year? Something to chew on.

October and November, October especially centered around traveling. All three of us were bouncing all over the country. Steve went to California, Florida (twice) and he made several trips to the southern part of the state. While he was trekking the country side, Moanna and I went to Ohio to see family for about a week. I’m not joking when I say that I saw Steve less than 10 days in October. He came home between trips long enough for me to do his laundry, feed him a home cooked meal and send him out the door for his next adventure.

On one of his trips to Florida, Steve worked with Angel Wings International to help prepare for the clinic they are opening in Haiti. They built benches and signs, and sorted through and organized clothes, medications and personal care items that had been donated to the organization. Haiti doesn’t have the resources that we have in the US, so completing these projects here and shipping them to Haiti completed is much more efficient. Steve came home exhausted, but uplifted by the progress they had made. In the coming months, we will be doing more projects with AWI, and I will share them with you as they come.

Moanna loved our trip to Ohio. She talks about it all the time. She loved the plane, the zoo, the science museum, the people, the spoiling. She will tell you all about the stuff she saw in the airport, the giant polar bears and snakes, the silly stuff at the science museum, and “Uncle Harry” (aka Uncle Larry). Don’t ask her about Ohio unless you have an hour to hear every detail of her trip – twice – or six times depending on her mood. It is her excitement and desire to share every experience with you that reinforces my beliefs in how important it is for children travel and go on “field trips.” No matter how young they are, these types of experience impact them deeply. Some people say, “They are to young to appreciate traveling.” I say, “No their not!” As long as you have pictures, mementos and, most importantly, talk to them from time-to-time about these adventures they will remember it and relive it with excitement as they tell you, for the 50th time, about the giant snake. Moanna still talks about things that she did when she was much younger. She remembers our wedding which was before she right before she turned two. She remembers “going on the mountain” and collecting leaves and hearing the wolves (or coyotes - can’t remember which). In fact, when we went to a particular place that day, Moanna said, “You and Daddy and me went here before! Remember?” You guys, Steve and I took her there when she was ONE, and it had been a year since we took her there, but she remembered it! She even showed me how to get there! Please travel with your children. I promise you won’t regret it.

The week of Thanksgiving, Moanna and  I went to Virginia to visit my family and friends. We had all kinds of fun! We made apple butter, went to the movies, had two Thanksgivings and spent a lot of time with family. It was a good time in our old stomping ground. However, it was also a hard week. We wanted to spend time with everyone, and celebrate the season with ALL of the people we love, but there wasn’t much time and a lot of the celebrations were going on at the same time. There were also several people that we weren’t able to visit during our short week in Virginia. It felt like we were being monitored by an invisible stopwatch, and always having to leave a place when the fun was really getting started or arriving just when the fun was winding down. It was also hard because Steve and Josh had to stay behind to work. They fixed Asian food for their Thanksgiving mea,l and destroyed my kitchen. I let the destruction slide this time since they were all by their lonesome on this family centered occasion. Next time, it’s off with their fingers!

At first when I looked back at October and November I thought, “It would be nice for things to slow down so I can get a handle on this house and new life we have. How is anyone supposed to keep up with this when everyone is coming and going all the time?” I really thought that after we got “settled” and especially once 2011 arrived, things would even out and we wouldn’t be traveling so much. I kept thinking to myself, “Once we get this trip out of the way, then we can really hammer out our life routines, so we can keep up.” But, trips keep coming and coming, and into the foreseeable future we have at least one trip (not necessarily the whole family at once) or major event every month. After thinking about it for awhile, I realized, “Oh! This is our new life. This is how our life is going to be. Coming and going is our way off life now.” This chapter in our lives looks like this: get the house organized and settle into a routine for a few weeks, take a trip, return from trip, unpack and recover, reclaim house, settle into routine for a week or so, plan for next trip, take a trip…

Don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled that our life allows us to have great adventures on a regular basis. I’ve said it before; if I could spend my life traveling the world and learning as much as possible about the way people live and eat and exploring their lands, then I would do it in a heartbeat. You can have my mailbox and my husband’s XBOX – show me the world! I just didn’t think this chapter in our lives would be happening so, so fast. I  thought I would have time to get a grip on this new world of Georgia and my new life as a stay-at-home-mom, and then the traveling would begin. It’s been overwhelming trying to establish normalcy for our family, and right when I think I have it figured out we are packing up to leave town.  I knew that we were not a nine-to-five kind of family, we never have been and never will be, but I was still trying to make my home a nine-to-five home. Now that I realize traveling all the time is part of our normalcy, I can get realistic with myself and establish systems that work with all of this coming-and-going. How am I going to make this lack of routine, routine for my family? I have no idea! Right now, I am just happy that I recognize the reality of my exciting life!

Reflections – August 2010

And here I am, again, a month behind in my Reflections. You know, it’s really not effective for me to wait this long before reflecting. Its purpose gets lost somewhere where between my foggy memory and faded emotional attachment to my recent past.

My excuse for not writing this post until now proves that I should have and needed to reflect on August much, much sooner. My excuse for not reflecting on August is that I really didn’t want to. August (for the second year in a row) was traumatizing and emotionally draining on my body and soul. I honestly don’t know how we made it out of August alive. And that’s not because we were out doing extreme sports of any kind, or involved with the Mafia in any way, it’s because we were (the whole house hold) emotional cannons firing balls of frustration and anxiety at each other daily.

I’m just going to put this out there, moving sucks. All the way around. We can throw a positive spin on it if it will make you more comfortable and call it an adventure. But, let’s all be honest with ourselves, it sucks. And that is all I am going to say about moving because I have exhausted most of my stories about The Move, and will finish up that miniseries later this week. You can read a few more moving adventures hereand here.

Once we arrived in Atlanta and got past all of the glitches, I spent a lot of my time trying to turn this very bizarre and poorly put together house into a home. It was a constant cycle of clean, unpack a box, move the furniture, clean, fight with the colors of the walls, unpack a box, move the furniture again, fight with the location of the fireplace, unpack a box… You get the idea. I would love to get my hands on the people who built this house. The goal was to have the house completely in order by September 1st. I promise you, that did not happen. When August 31st came to an end, the play area was still a nightmare and the office was still in shambles.

When I was not throwing myself on the ground in a temper fit because our stuff just does not fit in this house, I was at “The Club” (aka the gym). The day after, we got to Atlanta we discovered that we would not have hot water for a week, so we joined the one of the many local gyms to take hot showers and have somewhere to go. We took hot showers, went to the pool daily, and I found yoga. I had taken a yoga class once or twice in the past, but it didn’t really fit me, or I didn’t fit it. However, when I walked into the yoga studio, I felt safe. It was quiet, Moanna was at the kids’ center that The Club provides, and when I was in yoga I couldn’t do anything else but yoga. Sure, I could still have internal fits about how irritated I was that nothing was going right in our new world of Atlanta, but for that hour I couldn’t fix any of it, so I gave in and let my body twist and bend and eventually my mind drifted to empty.

Steve warned me many times before we got to Atlanta that as soon as the moving truck was unloaded he was going straight to work. He would be working nonstop to rebuild our savings account that the move drained and to establish his professional self here. However, once we got to Atlanta and saw how difficult the move was, he didn’t go straight to work, and when he did, he started working slowly (kind of). I think he knew that I would slash his tires if he tried to leave me here to deal with this transition by myself. He made sure we had some fun and time together as a family before he started working full force.

Most of our fun centered around our daily (almost daily) trips to the pool. We also took a couple of trips into the “Big City” to eat at Buckhead Pizza and Chow Baby, and to shop at Ikea for a few things we needed for the house. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Big City during the day, but the skyline at night sure is pretty. We also went to Stone Mountain for the laser show one Saturday evening. That was a cool place. We intend to explore it more in the not-so-distant future; we think it will be a place our families will enjoy seeing when they come to visit.

Moanna adjusted to the move better than the rest of us. Of course it was confusing for her and a little sad, but she looked at the whole process of moving the same way she looks at everything in life. It’s all one big exciting adventure to her (there’s your positive spin). I hope she doesn’t lose that excitement for life as she gets older.

Oh August, before you I considered myself a patient person. I also considered myself to be very flexible, you know, one who could go with the flow. Now, I’m beginning to reconsider just how malleable I am, or at least I’m realizing that I have limits I didn’t know of before. Interesting. I promise you all that September was a breath of fresh air compared to August, but the office is still in shambles.

Reflections – May 2010

May was a century ago, at least that’s what it feels like. This summer is flying buy and I am struggling to keep up. I know the last time I wrote a Reflections post, I said I wouldn’t dare let so much time go by before looking back. But, here we are again, a month late and a dollar short, because life happens.

Please note: the following events and thoughts about May are not in chronological order because quite frankly, I can’t remember when all of this happened.

Now that I think about it, I spent a lot of May home alone. Moanna was in Maryland having the time of her life (really it’s amazing that the child is willing to come home with how much fun Steve’s parents pack in during her visits), Steve was traveling around the country for work and I was at home like some lonely chump. I’m kidding, it was nice to have some personal time and to have an empty house to complete a few projects around the house. This project in particular was torturous .

I did take advantage of my time alone to go on an adventure with my friend Beth. We gave into our unhealthy obsession with The Pioneer Woman and took an epic road-trip to her book signing. It was a very long two days, but it was vital to my survival. I was in desperate need of a break, an adventure, quality time with mother nature and most importantly girl time. Beth took some amazing photographs of our trip which you can take a gander at here.

Late one evening when I was home alone I got a phone call from my Dad. I won’t recount the entire story (you can read that here), but he was calling to tell me that he was at Duke waiting for final confirmation that they had found a liver for him. It was a nerve wracking night, and I had no one to talk to but God, so I literally prayed until I fell asleep and was praying still when I woke up. The transplant was a success, and with the exception of a few lingering infections that had been hiding in his body from his previous liver transplant, this recovery has been a million times smoother than the last one.

Because I am famous for this as soon as life and work slowed down a smidgen I got sick. This has been a chronic problem my entire life. I am able to get through the busy spurts of life, and when I finally get a chance to slow down and relax (you know enjoy life a bit) I get knocked over the head illness. This particular time was rough. I was probably sick for more than three weeks. I would feel crappy for a few days, rest a bit, feel better and think I was healed, get sicker. I went through this cycle two or three times before I finally gave in and accepted being sick – very sick with bizarre symptoms. After blood tests coming back negative for the zillions of things I was tested for, I’m going to toss it up as a strange virus because if one more doctor/specialist looks at me and says, “Sounds like you were really sick, but you look fine now. Unless your symptoms come back, there really isn’t anything I can do for you.” I’m going to hit them over the head like a whack-a-mole. I’m used to odd sicknesses and symptoms taking over my body, but I’m getting really tired of paying doctors to say, “Eh, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Somewhere in the middle of my illness, Steve and I celebrated our anniversary. On the day of our actual anniversary, Steve was out of town, so we planned on celebrating as soon as he got back. When he got back from his trip, I was plagued with a fever and swollen glands, so Steve cooked me dinner and we rain checked our date. A few days later (when I thought I was feeling better), we celebrated with a nice dinner and movie.

Memorial Day was a great day. I was still far from par, but we got up early that morning (earlier than we normally would on a day off) and to have brunch with some friends. I’m not usually a breakfast person, but oh my, you have no idea how much I enjoyed the food that our friends cooked for us. After breakfast, we loaded up our cars went to the Parkway for a “hike.” We had three toddlers, one munchkin in a back pack and one pregnant chicky in the mix, so it was more like a walk with a few leaves and sticks to step over. It was a lovely morning, followed by a fantastic nap.

Last and certainly not least, early slash mid-May-ish we announced (announced is not at all the right word, but just go with it) a major change in our lives. We excitedly-regrettably-happily-hesitantly made it known that Steve had been promoted with his company and as a result, we would be relocating to Atlanta, Georgia. In addition to a change of address, this move is going to completely change our lives. You can trust that you will continue to hear much more about this relocation process in the coming days, weeks and months as we move and adjust to life in the big city.

It seems like I should have gotten a speeding ticket for how fast I raced through May. I don’t know how it happened, but it was like May came and I was suddenly on the Autobahn driving 110mph. My engine is still panting from how hard and fast I pushed through May.

Reflections – March and April 2010

I feel about as small as a paper clip right now. How could I have let two months go by without taking time, even a short minute, to reflect on recent events in our lives? I should have to write “I will take time to reflect” on the chalkboard 1000 times. Maybe that would teach me a lesson or two.

I do have a few excuses, lame as they may be, for not taking time sooner to reflect on April and March, especially March. Poor March you did not deserve to be tossed to the side. I was not able to take time before now to reflect on the past two months because as soon as March began my life went from zero to sixty in less than five seconds. I know busy is not an excuse because we’re all busy beyond reason, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

If you do not work in a college atmosphere, I’ll let you in on a little secret. From the time Winter Break begins until Spring Break ends, colleges hibernate. Other than classes and other formalities very little happens; everyone is trying to keep warm and survive the winter months. As soon as Spring Break ends, college campuses wake up from their slumber and go crazy. There are dedications, celebrations, reunions, awards, conferences, guest speakers. The list of activities that must be jammed in before graduation is unimaginable.

To say that I have spent the majority of my life at work during March and April would be an understatement. Thankfully, we survived, and if I do say so myself, we did an awfully good job. As much as I enjoyed the craze and the drama of watching event after event come together, I’m exhausted and ready to put my feet up.

Because timing tends to be divine, Steve’s travel schedule was minimal while I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. He was able to keep our house in working order, Moanna fed and entertained, and somehow he managed to keep me alive. I have no idea what we would have done if Steve were globe trotting.

Other than pure exhaustion, there are just a few things that I remember about March and April; I’ll do my best.

March brought Spring with her, and for that I am unimaginably grateful. I wasn’t going to make it much longer if something didn’t bloom or turn green when it did. The warm weather and first signs of Spring brought me back to life. I am a completely different person when the weather is sunshiny and warm. If the busy season at work was in the dead of winter I’d never make it out alive.

I went to Atlanta for a leadership training class. It was nice to get away from Virginia for a few days and learn new things. I know, nerd alert. I can’t help it, I love learning. It’s also nice to come home to a hotel room for a few days. You can’t stress about not getting house work done because it’s seven hours away.

Steve and I became Uncle and Auntie! Steve’s brother Joey had a baby girl named Alexis, more than eight healthy pounds of pinchable baby love. They live all of the way on the other side of the  country in Washington, so we’ve only met the sweet-pea via photos. As soon as they emailed us photos, we sat Moanna down and tried our best to explain to Moanna that she had a cousin. Geneolgy is a complicated thing for anyone to understand, but Mo understands that Baby Alexis is a very special baby.

Towards the end of March, my Dad was re-listed for his second liver transplant. It took a lot of work for the state of Tennessee and the board that accepts transplant patients to have him listed this time. A lot of complications made it challenging at times, but those complications are what ultimately made it possible for him to be re-listed. If you want to learn more about this journey and how you can help, please read his story here.

We spent Easeter Weekend in Maryland. It was a necessary intermission for us. We had a great time relaxing with Steve’s side of the family. We spent the time relaxing and enjoying each other’s company, and naturally, we ate way too much. I’m still full from all the food we ate.

Moanna had a great Easter this year. She was finally old enough to hunt for eggs. It was great watching her go from searching and serious to delighted when she found an egg and then back to serious. She also got a huge kick out of all of the goodies that the Easter Bunny so cleverly hid inside of her eggs. She thought it was the coolest thing ever. “The Easter Bunny gave me MORE candy!?” We’ll be eating all of that candy until way past Halloween and well into next year.

The Easter Bunny left us a charcoal grill. I think it’s safe to say that Steve had never really grilled in his life prior to now. It’s dinner and a show. Our first few attempts were not unsuccessful but they were not home runs eeither. Steve is starting to get the hang of it, and he is on his way to becoming a barbecue pro.

In April we were able to take our first summer evening walk of the year. We got out the wagon and pulled Moanna to the park. I was sure she would be really upset when it got dark otuside and we had to go home, but she was happy to race us home for a treat before bed. After pulling Moanna to the park in the wagon and then racing her home, I was made well aware of how out-of-shape winter had made me. I do a lot of running around at work, but I can’t tell you the last time I exercised. It’s a good thing I can take evening walks again.

Towards the end of April, Moanna ventured back to Maryland for a vacation. I was still working a crazy schedule and Steve’s travel schedule was picking up. We all agreed that it would be best for Moanna to go have some fun with her grandparents until graduation. She’s been quite the busy bee since she’s been gone, gymnastics, fishing, shopping, camping. Who needs summer camp when you have your own private summer program with Grandma and Grandpa?

The last day of April was a really nice end to the crazed month for me. With Moanna and Steve off on their own adventures, I was left to fend for myself. Before walking into work, I sat in my car to appreciate the weather and witnessed one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. I had no idea that trees gave off little puffs of pollen! The girls I work with and I went out to lunch which is something we never do. We found a local place with a nice patio so we could eat outside and enjoy the day. When I got home from work, I took a nap and spent the rest of the evening catching up on my DVRed shows. It was refreshing to end such a hectic month so quietly.

I can’t believe that March and April are already gone. It still hangs me up that we are almost half way through 2010. We were very busy the past two months, but in some ways it feels like we accomplished very little. We had to go into survival mode, and that’s OK once in awhile. We made it, and I can confidentially say we did a much better job this year at staying sane than we did last year.

I am so thankful May is here and that work has calmed down a great deal. I am ready to spend time with my family and putting this house back together. It’s time to recenter and slow down for a bit.

Reflections – February 2010

February is notorious for being my least favorite month out of the year. It’s only 28 days long, but those 28 days drag on forever. It’s kind of like how it always gets really dark and cold just before dawn breaks. This February was no different. It wasn’t particularly horrible, but it was really hard to get through.

February began very snowy and very cold. It was painfully white and bleak,not exciting and inviting like the first snow storm of the season. Moanna wasn’t even interested in going outside to play. She and I suffered from cabin fever while Steve was snowed in in Norther Virgina.

Steve spent more days out of town in the month of February than he spent at home. He spent a full week in Miami and several other weekends away for work. I did not handle it gracefully at all. He plays a very active role in taking care of Moanna and helping care for the house. I am very blessed and spoiled, so when he wasn’t here to take over when I needed some time on the bench I lost it. I had to constantly remind myself that this was a transition period and that we were making the best decision for our family in the long run.

From afar, Steve did his best to help with Moanna over the phone. When I just couldn’t take it anymore he would talk to her and mediate our arguments over the phone. He also sang to her every night at bed time.

Steve was out of town for Valentine’s Day which was more than fine with me. I hate the holiday. He did have the audacity to send me a card in the mail. I think he forgot who he was dealing with for a minute. Despite my hate for the holiday, I did dress Moanna up in pink for church and celebrated the holiday with her.

Thankfully, my work load was fairly light in February (relatively speaking). We were really blessed that when Steve was out of town I was able to have a “normal” schedule. It made juggling Moanna and her needs easier than it could have been if I were slammed at work. I’m not sure what we’re going to do when things get really busy for me at work at the end of March and the month of April. It’s going to be a death defying feat to stay sane.

Because of our crazy schedules, we are home just long enough to tear the place apart. To help keep the house in working order we hired someone to clean the house every two weeks. It is money well spent. It forces us to pick up after ourselves so the housekeeper can come in and do her job. It’s nice knowing that we do not have to spend all of our time at home cleaning; we can now spend some of that down time relaxing.

As if the weather and Steve’s heavy travel schedule were not enough to make February epic, we found out that Steve has Celiac Disease. Essentially it is an allergy to gluten. It has been a life changing adjustment for Steve. He’s no longer able to eat some of his favorite foods unless it is modified to be gluten free. It has changed the way we shop for food, cook and where we can go out to eat. I will elaborate on this new development in a later post.

February and all of its misery reminded us to not take our time together as a family for granted. Steve and I have without question learned to appreciate each other more. We now have a better understanding of where the other person is coming from. We can appreciate the other one’s contributions to the family as well as their struggles in a way that we couldn’t before. Despite my hatred for February, I am grateful for the new perspective it has brought to our family.

Reflections – January 2010

Our family welcomed 2010 with big dreams, and a great desire to see where the year and decade will take us. January wasted no time in bringing us challenges and opportunities. After a few final relaxing days of our Holiday Break, we hit the ground running.

We spent New Year’s Day having a late Christmas with my family. We spent the evening playing with Evan’s new Wii, exchanging gifts and eating. Because we were burnt out on Holiday food, we had fish tacos, and Jai made homemade mango salsa. My Grandma gave us a painting of Steve, Mo and I on our wedding day. It takes a jack hammer to put nails in our walls, so it sits on top of a table propped against the wall.

After a final weekend of relaxing at home, I returned to work and Steve flew to Dallas, Texas for a business planning meeting. Since then, we have both been running hard with work. We’ve been so busy that we barely see each other, and Moanna is a long for the ride. Our hope is that pushing hard this year will pay off, and we will have more time together in the long run.

In January we released a new section of My, Myself and Mommy called Me, Myself and Money. In this section of the website, we are discussing personal finances, and everything it implies. By beginning this adventure, we have faced how much debt we have, set spending limits, and stopped eating out (minus one date a month) – all in the first month. The plan is to have our consumer debt (credit cards) paid off by the end of 2010. It’s going to be a crazy ride, but will be so worth it. I think I’m going to need a Dramamine.

On the evening of January 12th, my Mom called to tell us that there had been a catastrophic earthquake in Haiti. Our hearts immediately turned to Steve’s best friend, Andy, who is from Haiti. Much of our focus remained on Haiti throughout the month, and what we can do to help. We are working with Andy on long term projects that will help the people of Haiti now, and that will continue to help Haiti in the months and years to come.

The weekend of January 23rd, Steve and I went down to Charlotte, North Carolina (Moanna stayed in Virginia). Steve had a sales conference and awards banquet to attend. Some of Steve’s closest friends are the people he works with, so it was great to spend time with these people, and celebrate every one’s successes at the banquet. While Steve was in his sales meetings, I spent time with Erin, my maid-of-honor who lives just north of Charlotte. It was nice to decompress away from home for the weekend.

Moanna had a good January. She was busy with anything she could get into – cooking, climbing, dumping clothes out of baskets, playing in the snow, all kinds of toddler fun. She is really starting to grasp bigger ideas and concepts. I don’t have a good example for you which is a shame. She will say or do something, and Steve and  I will look at each other and say, “How does she know to do that?” Moanna sings her her ABC’s every night – minus J. Every time, she leaves out the J.

For about three days, three whole days, the ground was free from snow. Just as soon as the snow had finally melted from the December Blizzard, another snow storm came to town the last weekend in January. Steve was out of town for a trade show, leaving Moanna and I to fend for ourselves. It was a rough weekend. She and I drove each other crazy. I would clean a room up, she would tear it apart. She would want to watch a movie, I would want to take a nap. Don’t get me wrong, we had our fun in the snow and played around the house, but the cabin fever got to both us after awhile.

I can usually look back at a month and say “overall it was a good month” or “overall it was a challenging month.” For January, I can’t do that. The first month of 2010, a new decade, was all over the place. One day it was great, and we were spending time with family and friends, and we were dreaming big dreams for our future. The next day, we were aching for the people of Haiti and trying to make it through our ever growing to-do list without having an emotional breakdown. If January was a preview of what 2010 will bring, then boy, what a doozy.

With all of the ups and downs and running around, I had no time to really think and reflect about what I was doing and what was going on in my life. I felt robotic at times just trying to get through it all. In many ways I am thankful for the robotic behaviors I took on because it allowed to me to push through some sticky stuff without allowing the stress of it all to paralyze me. Every night I was able to push myself for a few minutes every night to complete at least one small project in the house. I am far from a fan of it, but sometimes auto pilot is what gets us through a bitter winter without loosing our sanity.

Reflections – December 2009

December was jam packed and wonderful from start to finish. I’m trying to remember something that wasn’t enjoyable, and nothing is coming to mind. Don’t worry. I’m sure I had a meltdown or two in there somewhere.

I wrote a post that was published on Momversation on December 2nd. It was so exciting to see something that I had written on a website that I admire. Writing that post taught me just how hard it is to write for someone else, especially since the topic was open ended. I look forward to doing similar projects in the future.

December was a busy month for us at church. On December 6th, Steve gave Moanna her Baby Blessing. Typically, this blessing is performed when children are infants. However, we were not members of the church when Moanna was born, and Steve did not receive the Priesthood until this Fall. On that same day, I was called as the Relief Society Secretary. I’ve been struggling to stay afloat with this calling, but I am slowly getting my ducks in a row. Just when I think I have this whole thing figured out, something new comes along. Then, the following Sunday, Steve gave his first talk in church. His topic was discipleship.

Funny story, at about 10:00PM the Saturday before his talk, I looked at him and was like, “Are you ready for tomorrow?” He freaked out because he thought i he wasn’t talking until the following week. It was too late to call someone to confirm or to beg for more time, so Steve prepared his talk. The next day we walk into church, and find out that Steve’s talk was scheduled for the following Sunday (Steve was right.). However, because of the mild ice storm a representative from Lynchburg that was scheduled to come talk, was unable to make it. The bishopric was trying to figure out how to fill that time during sacrament, so they were relieved when they heard Steve was prepared to speak. (I win.)

We did not decorate for Christmas this year. I know, I know. Bahumbug. I had my reasons. One reason was, we were not going to be here for Christmas. I did not have time to decorate and undecorate, especially if we were not going to be home. Since we would not be home for Christmas to enjoy the decorations, we wanted to take the time we were going to use to decorate to do other Holiday things.

For example, instead of decorating, we went to a Live Nativity. I think it was called “Journey to Bethlehem.” A local church puts it together every year for two weekends in December. It was teeth-chattering cold outside, so we wore multiple layers to stay warm. When we got there, it was well worth the three pairs of underwear Steve insisted on wearing. There were people in costumes acting. There was music. There was fire. There was a little Bethlehem. There were live animals. There was a baby Jesus (pretend – no real life babies were used in the making). And at the end, there was hot apple cider. It was so much fun, and free… minus the pretend taxes we had to pay. People come from all over to participate in this wonderful activity, and watch the story of Christmas come to life.

Just a few days after a massive snow storm plowed through Virginia, I  turned 25. Actually, Steve and I both celebrated our birthdays in December. Mine was the 22nd, and Steve’s was the 29th. Yep, that’s right; I’m a whole week older than him. He hates it. It’s crazy to think that we are a quarter of a century old. We are starting a new life quarter as the world begins a new decade. What will come? What will come?

On the 23rd, we journeyed to Maryland to spend Christmas with Steve’s parents and grandfather. It usually only takes us four hours to get there; with the Holiday traffic, it took us six hours with no stopping. However, once we got there, it was a relaxing and laidback week. Moanna played and played and played with Steve’s family. She couldn’t get enough of it, and they couldn’t get enough of her. We ate and ate and ate. I’m still full from all the food we ate.

On Christmas morning, we spent more than two hours opening presents and taking pictures. This is Moanna’s third Christmas, so she was really getting into it. She had to take every teeny- tiny piece of paper off of each present, and then she wanted to take it out of the box and put it together before she opened her next gift. We had three cameras going nonstop. I’m thinking that between the three cameras, we probably took close to a thousand pictures, maybe more.

(We did Christmas with my family on New Year’s Day. Since that is technically, January. I’ll tell you all about it in my January Reflections.)

While we were in Maryland, we stopped by to see the lighthouse that we got married at. When we pulled up, we asked Moanna if she remembered it. She said, “That’s where we got married!” We then drove by the boat we had our rehearsal dinner on, and asked if she remembered that. She remembered. “That’s the special boat we were on. Andy was there. Grandma and Grandpa were there. My friends were there. Everyone was there.” It’s been a long time since we were there, and by the magic of toddler memory, Moanna knew exactly where we were.

New Year’s Ever was low key for us. The three of us stayed home and wore our party hats as we watched movies and ate popcorn. Moanna wore her party shoes and stayed up until the New Year too. She had no idea what was going on, but she was excited.

December was busy, but busy in a good way. It was good to be busy with family things and things of the Holiday season. December gave us many opportunities to serve others and to get outside of ourselves and our own issues. We loved that Steve and I were able to take two whole off from work weeks together; which is something we’ve not been able to do in several years. We loved that we had so much time to spend with Moanna, demon temper tantrums and all.

2009 was a good run. It was not easy all of the time. There were days, that I didn’t know if we would make it. We had challenges of all kinds in 2009: work, family, medical, financial, personal, you name it. On the shinier side of the coin, we got married and baptized. Moanna was given a blessing. We watched many friends get married.  I started writing. Steve changed jobs. I was promoted. We learned from all of our challenges. We learned to appreciate our time together and time with family in a whole new way. We learned to take risks. Moanna gave up her binky and blanket. She also went from baby to little girl; excuse me, big girl. We made a lot of memories. We laughed. We laughed when it hurt, and we laughed until it hurt.

Reflections – November 2009

Because I am a total slacker, and because life between Thanksgiving and now has been a whirlwind, I never got around to writing a Reflections post for November. Which is a shame. November wasn’t too shabby. To make it up to you, I threw something quick together. I was going to do a combo Reflection of November and December, but it turned into something so long, it exhausted me to read it. I’m sure I won’t have a very clear vision of November, but I will do my best to remember.

The first week and a half of November I was still on medical leave. Mentally, it was a very tormenting time. There were moments when I was dying to return to work. I was ready to get up an move on. Then, there were times that the idea of returning to work made me ill. I had gotten very comfortable at home. There were also times when I didn’t know what I wanted or how I felt.

On November 10th, I returned to work. I was surprised at how relieved I was to be back. It was nice to get dressed and accomplish things. I struggled. I was exhausted. Thankfully I was able to return with light duty work and on limited hours. I had to embrace the changes that had naturally taken place while I was out. It’s both comforting and challenging to realize that things continue when you are away.

During the weeks following my return to work,  most of our efforts were spent working to figure out how to, once again, juggle our schedules, maintaining a home, and of course keeping Moanna happy, healthy and entertained. It’s amazing how quickly we unlearn how to juggle. It’s not quite like riding a bike, you have to practice and it’s inevitable that you will drop a ball or all of them.

Thanksgiving week was a very fulfilling week for us. It was also a huge blessing for me and my body, as I readjusted to life as a working woman. We squeezed in three Thanksgiving meals and made apple butter. On Wednesday, we had Thanksgiving with my Family. Thursday we had Thanksgiving lunch at Nanny and PopPop’s, and Thanksgiving dinner with my Dad’s Family. Thursday evening, and all day Friday we made a butt load of apple butter. Unfortunately, with just a few days off, we were not able to make it to Maryland for this break.

The Sunday following Thanksgiving, I gave my first talk in church. Eeeek. It was about family. I referenced all of the Thanksgiving meals we had, and all of the many other people we share food with. I then explained that family to me is not exclusive to the people on our family tree, but they are everyone we share food with. When we share food, we are also laughing, crying, making memories, arguing, sharing major life changes and learning from each other. Therefore, these people are family.

November was a good month. I wish I had written my thoughts and reflections of it much sooner than now. It was a sink or swim kind of month, and I think we managed to at least tread water.

Reflections – October 2009

October came and went, and I feel like I missed most of it. I’m having a hard time remembering what happened during the first three weeks. It’s kind of like trying to remember what you dreamed about; you know you had a crazy dream and you remember a few scenes, but mostly it’s foggy. That is what most of October has been like for me. Things did pick up at the end. I have many happy memories from the last week of October to make up for all of the stuff that I can’t remember from the beginning.

After realizing that I was still struggling to recover from surgery, and seeing the impact that it had on Moanna, Steve and I decided that it would be best if Mo went to Maryland to visit with Steve’s parents for awhile. We knew that it was best for Moanna, myself and everyone else involved. Typically, I’m more than happy to have Moanna spend a few weeks here and there in Maryland, and I’m grateful we had that option for her this time. However, it was harder to see her go this time because she was going because I was unable to care for her.

She had a great time. She got her ears pierced, rode horses, went to a pumpkin patch, went camping TWICE and all kinds of other fun stuff. And, while she was out living it up with Grandma Annette and Grandpa Bob, I rested and recovered. I didn’t do much else in the time that she was gone outside of sleeping, eating, and lounging.

Steve had a very eventful October. He was laid off from his job. Instead of panicking, we looked for the blessings in this challenge. Steve was able to spend time helping me as I recovered, and working on projects in the house. He has been able to seriously consider finishing school; something that would have never been possible based on his old work schedule. Steve has returned to sales, and has been able to generate more income and job satisfaction than he was as a district manager.

In addition to the job change, Steve managed to find himself in two car accidents within just over 48 hours of each other. The first one, not his fault. He was rear ended in traffic. The second one, completely his fault. He ran into a tree. How? He has no idea. NO IDEA. Other than some brusing and stiffness, he was thankfully unharmed. We now have a 2001 (I think) Passat to replace the truck.

The weekend before Halloween, my Grandpa Al and Grandma Mary came to visit from Ohio. We hadn’t seen them since our wedding in May. Their time here was very laid back. Most of the time was spent at my parent’s house eating a lot of home cooked food, watching movies and spending time catching up. Up until their last morning here, Moanna was still in Maryland, and Steve was out of town on business. Before they headed back North, Grandpa Al and Grandma Mary came to our house to visit with Moanna and Steve and have breakfast.

After Moanna came home from Maryland, I started to feel much better. I had a reason to get out of bed, a reason to cook, a reason to smile and I reason to move on from surgery. For the first time in a month and a half, I was able to pick her up and hold her. She, of course, had no time to snuggle because her week was booked full with Halloween activities.

The Halloween celebrations started on Wednesday. Our church held a Chili Cook-Off and Trunk-or-Treat. We ate chili, played games and went Trunk-or-Treating. When we were done Trunk-or-Treating, we stuck Moanna in the trunk to hand out candy.

On Thursday, Moanna went to a Halloween party with some of her playmates. They went Trick-or-Treating and decorated pumpkins. She came home with all kinds of stories about how much fun she had with her friends.

Friday was filled with Fall Fun. With less than an hour’s notice, Moanna and I got ready to go to lunch with my Mom and Grandma Pam on the Blue Ridge Parkway. We ended up spending most of the day on the mountain. We looked for leaves, went for a walk and took a lot of pictures. A LOT OF PICTURES. We had to return from our adventure, so that Moanna could, yet again, go Trick-or-Treating. This time it was Trick-or-Treating at all of the local businesses. It’s great for little kids because it starts at 4:00PM; it’s still light outside and early enough that it doesn’t mess with dinner and bedtime routines (not that we have either of those, but it’s good for families that managed to stay on schedule). When we returned home, we made collages out of the leaves we collected, and hung them on the front door. Our last activity of the night was carving a small pumpkin. Moanna was completely grossed out by it at first, but she eventually got the pumpkin cleaned out so that Steve could carve it.

By the time Halloween finally arrived, I was pooped and Moanna had enough candy to get her through Halloween next year. Instead of going out Trick-or-Treating again, we stayed home. We dressed Moanna up in her costume for the fourth day in a row, and put her in charge of handing out candy. I strongly encourage this for oh-so-many reasons. Your little one learns that it is fun to give away candy, your house doesn’t get completely over taken by candy, and you don’t get stuck carrying the kid home when they tucker out on you ten blocks from home.

I wish that the first three weeks of October were filled with as many happy memories as the last week, but I’ll take what I can get. I’m grateful that I had the energy and strength to enjoy Halloween with my family. I was really worried that the end of the month would come, and I would still be struggling to get up in the mornings. It’s still a challenge to get through day sometimes, but I’m making progress.

We are looking forward to November, and spending more time with family and friends as the Holidays approach. We have set new goals for our family, big ones and little ones. We are continuing to search for ways to improve our lives. Most importantly, we are taking it day-by-day, and finding the blessings that come with each new challenge.

Reflections – September 2009

Here we are again. The month is half over, and I’m just now looking back at September. At some point I’m going to run out of excuses for putting these posts off for so long. For now, I’m simply going to blame it on the weather.

September began on a low note. However, I had no idea that I would spend the month singing Green Day’s “Wake Me Up When September Ends”.

The entire month was shaped by a very complicated miscarriage that ultimately ended in emergency surgery. I’ve written about the whole thing at length, so I’m not going to bore you to tears by retelling the story again. However, if you’ve not had a chance to read about the experience, I invite you to take a moment to do that now.
The Miscarriage – Part 1: The Loss
The Miscarriage – Part 2: Waiting to Move On
The Miscarriage – Part 3: From the ER
The Miscarriage – Part 4: To The OR

I think it was the day after Labor Day when I stepped out on my front porch to see that one lone tree on our block had burst into colors of orange and red and had begun to shed leaves. I swear it happened over night because the last time I looked at that tree, it is was green and bushy. It makes me wonder if the tree knows something the rest of us don’t. Is it trying to warn us of the winter ahead? Or, is it just so excited about the fall festivities, and quickly approaching holidays that it just couldn’t wait any longer? I wonder…

I’ve recently noticed that Moanna has begun to play by herself more often. She will spend extended periods of time in her room working on projects and pretending to do things. She is imagining stories, and holding conversations with her stuffed animals. Any day now, I’m expecting to be introduced to her first imaginary friend. I just hope that it is a well behaved and well mannered friend.

Steve spent much of his time and energy in September taking care of our family. In addition to making sure that I am comfortable, Steve has had the weight of caring for Moanna and our house placed on his shoulders entirely. It’s been hard on him, and I can tell that some days, he’s exhausted. Despite that exhaustion, he has remained cheerful and positive the entire time.

On September 24, my cousin Nic and his new wife Amy were married in Michigan. Because of my surgery, we were unfortunately unable to make it to the celebration. However, we are so excited for the two of them, and the new adventures that will come their way.

More people than I care to count have seen me medicated, unshowered and in my sweats in recent weeks. And you know? That’s OK with me because it means that I spent my month surrounded by people who love me – even when I’m stinky. September was a rough month, but I was far from alone in my battles. In fact, I was reminded that we are never alone in our life battles, we just need to know when to reach out for help.