Gratitude 11.06.09

Today, I am grateful for nap time. I am grateful for Moanna’s naps, as well as, my naps. Nap time is essential for our home to run smoothly. I really wish that I lived in a country where everyone is expected to nap and take a break in the afternoon. I wonder how much it would take to move the U.S. to a country that naps?

When Moanna is having a rough morning, I look forward to her nap time more than usual. You know the feeling, when it seems like some outside force has taken over your sweet child. I love when Mo lays down for a nap because I know that she is going to wake up in a much better mood than what she was in before nap time.

I also like Moanna’s nap time because it means that I can get things done without being inturpted every five minutes with “Mommmmmyyyyyyy.” I can do chores, write, read, watch TV, work on projects. When Mo naps, I can nap. Because I have Fibromyalgia, napping is sometimes an essential part of my day. There are days that if I don’t nap, I will have a very challenging time getting through the second half of my day, and may not be able to accomplish anything of value. I also genuinely enjoy napping. I love snuggling into the couch with a blanket as I fall asleep watching TV.

Today, Moanna and I both were in desperate need of a nap. Mo was getting herself into trouble every five minutes. She was not listening to anything we said. When she was corrected, she would melt into a ball of tears. I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept, my body was in aching all over, and I was kind of nauseous. I felt crappy, and, as a result, was a useless and unpleasant person to be around. So there we were, naughty and cranky. Mo and I took our naps, and we both woke up as much better people. Moanna was happy and fun to play with. I was able to cook a nice dinner, enjoy spending time with Moanna, and get a few chores done.

I am so thankful that a few hours of sleep in the afternoon can make such a big difference. It restores moods, energy, productivity, health. I am grateful for nap time and how it can salvage a rough day.

Gratitude 10.27.09

Today I am grateful for Moanna. I am grateful for her everyday, but today I am especially grateful that her love for life pushes me forward.

When Moanna came home Sunday evening from her three week trip to Maryland, it was  like my will to live came home with her. I know that may sound cheesy, but while she was gone I kind of lost site of the bigger picture. When I knew she was coming home, I got excited and started looking forward toward something other than my next nap.

Since Moanna came home, my energy has started to return. I’ve gone four days without taking a nap. I have been able to accomplish more things within a day, than I have since August. I have done some house work and some cooking. I have been able to plan for activities like Trick-or-Treating, and be confident that I will feel well enough to participate. None of this may not seem like much to the rest of the world, but for me, these are major steps. I still have a ways to go before I am quote unquote normal, but I know I am making progress.

Most importantly, since Moanna came home I have been able to plan, dream, visualize, live. I remember what I was working towards before the miscarriage, and before surgery. I want those things more now than I did before my life was put on on hold.

I am truly grateful for Moanna and the way she has reminded me to celebrate today and anticipate the joys of tomorrow.

Gratitude 10.12.09

Today I am so grateful for the generosity and kindness of others. My entire life, I have been blessed with friends and family who are more than willing to provide help in anyway that they can in hopes of seeing me happy and successful.

This past month, Steve and I have been overwhelmed and greatly touched by the huge number of people who have gleefully provided their help and support. We have had numerous people bring us dinner, take Moanna to the park, clean the kitchen and then ask what else they can do to help. Sometimes they asked if we needed anything, and sometimes they just showed up unannounced with their arms full of food. “Here we thought you might like this for dinner. Can Moanna come play at our house for awhile so you can rest?”

Here is a short list of the many things others have done for us in the past month…
Brought us dinner
Stayed the night with us
Brought flowers
Taken Moanna to the library
Cleaned our kitchen
Brought us pizza
Kept Moanna for a night or more
Visited with us
Sent cookies
Written letters and emails
Invited us over for dinner
Helped put Moanna to bed
Brought us dessert
I could go on, but you get the idea…

This past month has been a challenge, no doubt. It has been a physical and emotional struggle. However, because of the generosity of our friends, family, acquaintances and sometimes strangers, we have been able to go to a place of gratitude. It is a place that has allowed us to find peace and happiness, and for that we are incessantly grateful.

Gratitude 09.05.09

Today I am grateful for the way things happen in life. I appreciate and respect how one day, hour, minute or second can reshape the future. It is so fascinating to me that one seemingly insignificant incident can change your life. Your life may not change completely or right away, but it may put things into motion to reshape your future over time.

For example, you can have a really bad day (still not ready to talk about it, but soon), and that bad day gives you the time you need to really think about things and contemplate where you want your life to go. If I did not have such a bad day last week, I would not have been given the chance to meditate and reflect on what I really and truly want out of this life, what I want for my family, what I want for my personal being. I’ve had time to contemplate my options and to weigh out the risks and rewards of each of those options.

I am a true believer that all things happen for a reason, even if it may take a long time for that reason to come into view. I am grateful for the way my life is playing out, and I am so grateful that I am able to recognize the opportunities and blessings that arise out of a bad day.

Gratitude 08.27.09

Today, I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful for my husband everyday, but today I am grateful that he is compassionate and attentative.

It’s been a hard week (I’ll tell you about that later). It could have been a much worse week, but Steve has shown his love for me, and that has made what could have been a horrible week into something that is far less painful than I would have ever expected it to be.

He’s not gone into long throws about how he will love me no matter what. And, I really appreciate that for two reasons. One, I know that he will love me regardless of what the world is handing us. Two, he knows that I really can’t handle when people get mushy.

Instead of getting sentimental via pros and poems, he has done many little things over the past few days to show me he his love…

He bought me baby sodas. When he and I are together we share a can of soda, but when I am home alone, and have a soda, half of it goes to waste. Steve bought me little cans of soda because he knew I would be home alone for the next few days and would really want something fizzy to drink. He also came home with one of our favorite candies. It is nearly impossible to find this candy these days, and when you do find it, you run the risk of it being way past its prime. However, Steve found it. As we ate it, it reminded me of when we first started dating and found out that we both loved this candy. I smiled.

Among doing many other things to make my days easier, Steve has helped me with dinner, taken care of Moanna, allowed me to sleep a lot and ignored the fact that I have done none of my typical house work. I am grateful that he loves me the way he does, and that he shows his love the way he does. I consider myself lucky to have a husband that is so respectful of my needs, and in-tune with what makes me smile.

Gratitude 08.14.2009

Today I am grateful for the sense of accomplishment that comes from checking things of the list. I am grateful for the progress that I see in my home and at work. When I can see that my energy and effort is getting me somewhere, I feel like I have some small amount of control in my life .

It does not matter what we chose to do with our lives, at times we all feel overwhelmed, like we are running in place on a treadmill instead of approaching the finish line of a marathon. It can be so discouraging and disheartening when we are pushing ourselves to the brink of madness, and it looks as though we have nothing to show for the dedication and sacrifice we put into our jobs, homes, families, hobbies, beings.

There are days when I barely make it off the starting line because there is just too much to do. The race keeps getting longer and starts to take a steep incline as the mountain approaches. I also admit, there are days that I don’t even show up to the race. Sometimes the anticipation and fear of what the day will bring keeps me on the bench.

Today is not one of those days. Today, I can see the progress I am making. I can see that the stacks of projects on my desk are slowing moving from the “to do pile” to the “tada pile.” I can see that my house is turning into the home that I want for my family. I can see that I am learning to be more present and active in my life.

Because I can see all of these accomplishments, I feel that I have the power to accomplish more things and bigger things. Grace by grace. I will move bigger projects to the “tada list”; my home will continue to become a haven; I will find peace and enjoyment in all parts of my life. I don’t know that I have entered my marathon yet, but I know that I am training hard for it.

Gratitude 08.05.2009

Today I am grateful for other people’s success and happiness. Really, I mean that. It makes my heart sing to hear that something exciting is happening in another person’s life. I love knowing that a friend’s tireless hard work has paid off.

Back in April,  I met this couple who was going through a really difficult time in their lives. They had a new baby and clearly loved each other in a way that doesn’t happen in this world very often. They did not have enough money to pay for rent or food. However, you could tell that they were not down; they were focused on making a wonderful life for their family. The day after they came home from the hospital with their new baby, they were both out working temp jobs while Grandma took care of their precious. That is how bad they wanted to make it happen for themselves.

I ran into the happy couple and their sweet baby girl the other week, and their lives had completely changed.  Not only had the husband found a job that paid for their food and rent, he found a job that allowed his wife to stay at home full-time with their new baby. You could see the happiness and gratitude radiating from their pores.

I have thought about these two and their little one several times the past few weeks, and I can not stop smiling for them. How could you look at this little family and not share their joy? If nothing else, it gives you the comfort of knowing that one day you too will strike gold.

Gratitude 07.17.2009

Today, I am grateful for surprise visits from friends who come when you really need someone to talk to.

This afternoon Moanna and I were playing outside, and I thought, “wow our grass really needs cut. I hope Steve asked the lawn guy (a good friend of ours, Chris) to come soon.” Within half an hour of that thought, he showed up to mow our lawn. Later that evening, I learned that Chris hadn’t heard from Steve recently about the grass, but he could see the lawn really needed to be mowed. What a blessing!

Later, Marie (Chris’s wife) knocked on my door – just to say hi. I didn’t know it until we sat down, but I really needed to talk, and she was the perfect person for what was on my mind. We spent the next three hours talking as our children played;  Chris joined us after he finished the lawn.

The more we talked, the more our conversation zoned in on what my soul was searching for.  Marie and Chris said all the things I needed to hear, and they did it without me telling them what was weighing on me so heavily.

I am truly thankful for friends that just stop in to say hi.