Not the Princess and the Pea

At about 10:00PM the other night, I was enjoying the silence when I heard a loud thud coming from a corner of the house…

Do you remember the “It’s 10:0oPM. Do you know where your children are?” commercials? Do they still make those? When I was little they used to make me laugh because duh I’m right here in front of the TV? They also gave me the creeps because why wouldn’t I be at home? Is someone going to kidnap me from the couch right in front of my mom? I thought of that commercial when I heard a loud thud coming from within my house. I was mostly amused by the timing, and only slightly on edge that someone might be in my house uninvited. We weave intricate stories when we’re home alone and something disrupts the sweet silence.

Many of you would have instantly went into Momma Bear mode. I did not. Instead, I sat on the couch for a few minutes waiting for follow up sounds. My first guess was that Moanna never went to sleep, and had been playing rock star for the past two hours and had jumped off the stage (her bed) and dove into the crowd (a floor of stuffed animals). When I didn’t hear the crowd cheering or Moanna crying out in pain, I decided I should investigate.

I checked all of the doors in the house to confirm that they were locked. The doors were in fact locked. I knew this before I got out of the couch because I check the doors three dozen times a day to make sure they’re locked, not for safety but to keep the cold out and the heat in. If our doors are not locked, we can feel a stiff breeze blowing through the house. As I wandered around the house checking the doors, I also peered into all of the nooks and crannies of the downstairs to make sure no one had gotten into the house, relocked the door and hidden.

Doors locked – check. Downstairs clear – check.I grabbed a weapon before heading upstairs. I always grab a weapon before heading upstairs during an investigation because I am not going to be trapped upstairs unarmed like so many stupid girls in the movies. My weapon and I went upstairs to investigate all of the nooks and crannies. All of you Momma Bears would have checked on your children first. I did not. Instead I checked every other corner of the house first. I’m not 100% as to why I did this, but here are a few of my theories. First, I knew no one was in my house and there was nothing to worry about, and that I was being silly. Second, I was still convinced that Moanna was still awake playing and she knew that thud busted her and she was laying in bed pretending to be asleep. Third, if someone was in my house I was going to find him and take him out instead of him sneaking up behind me and taking me out while I checked on Moanna. Forth, and most importantly, I knew no one was in my house. Momma Bears know if their cubs are in danger, and I knew Moanna and I were home alone with my vivid imagination.

When the rest of the house was clear, I cracked open Moanna’s door to peek in on her.

And this is what I found – minus the Reese Cup. The Reese Cup came into the picture later. Poor thing had fallen out of bed and had no idea. Unless.. she jumped out of bed, made a thud noise, panicked, and fell asleep pretending that she fell out of bed waiting on me to find her… It’s totally possible. She can be quite sneaky.

Since I can’t pick her up, especially when she’s a sack of potatoes, I tried to wake her up. I nudged her, talked to her, rubbed her back, tickled her, shook her shoulders. Nothing worked. Girlfriend was passed out. Snoring. Dreaming. Smacking her lips. Passed out. I tried waking her up for at least five minutes.

I didn’t know what to do. I was home alone. She was not waking up. I can’t lift her. Only a horrible mother would leave a child on the floor after falling out of bed.

I called Steve on the verge of tears. “Moanna fell out of bed. I can’t lift her and she won’t wake up. I’m going to have to let her stay on the floor. Is that horrible?”

“No it’s not horrible. She’ll be OK. If she’s so asleep that she won’t wake up then she must not mind.”

“Are you sure? I feel so bad.”

“Yeah. I would go get a Reese Cup and put it on a white peace of paper so she can easily see it, and set it on the floor beside her. That way she when wakes up, she won’t be upset because she’s on the floor, she’ll be excited that there is a Reese Cup for her to eat. In the morning, don’t tell her that it’s because she fell out of bed, or she might start “falling out of bed” a lot. Tell her I told you to leave her a treat for when she wakes up in the morning.”

“OK. I can’ do that. Are you sure it’s not horrible to leave her there.”

“No, she’s fine.”

The next morning when Moanna came and got in bed with me, I asked her if she fell out of bed last night. She said yep. I asked her if she woke up in the night and got back in bed or if she slept there all night. She said she got up when it was still dark and got back in bed. I asked her if there was a treat in her room. She said yep. I asked her if she ate it. She said yep. I asked her if she ate when she got back in bed or in the morning. She said she just ate it in the morning. I asked her if she felt OK. She said yep.

I’m so thankful she hasn’t inherited my “Princess and the Pea” sleeping habits. I hope that she has taken after her Daddy who falls asleep without trying, and can sleep almost anywhere and through almost anything.

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