Things Have Gone Awry
Somewhere between
this…
and this
… something has gone awry. I am not sure exactly what happened, but it has resulted in temper fits that could wake the dead. If something doesn’t go Moanna’s way, she breaks into tears. The tears are followed by whale calls. After that comes the kicking and thrashing about. Then she begins to foam at the mouth and monkeys herself around my neck, arms, legs whatever she can get her arms and legs around. Then, if I try to detach her from me, she starts screaming and panicking in a way that should be saved for life threatening situations. Not being allowed to eat a spoon full of jelly for lunch is not a life threatening situation.
Our usual procedure for bad behavior is timeout for three minutes, followed by talking about the behavior, apologizing, hugs and kisses and then we move on. If needed, she has a crying towel to wipe her tears away and a drink of water to help her calm down. However, when these fits surface, and unfortunately they have become more prevalent in recent weeks, our bad behavior protocol fails. Time out does not work if the child does not stay in time out. She will follow me, reattach herself to my legs and scream louder. When I return her to time out the panic and screaming rises to the next octave. This can continue for close to an hour or more.
We have tried taking her outside in the fresh air, opening the freezer and having her breathe in the cold air, placing a wet towel on her forehead, crying back at her. We have also tried things that probably have made our jobs harder, but when you have been at it for more than half an hour you will try anything just to make it stop. We have soothed her, rocked her, sung to her. We have even let her have her way just to move on with our lives. None of it works. Even if we give in, she continues to revolt.
Some days I can take it, and just let the fit run its course. However, when these fits happen when I have to be somewhere at a certain time (we have had to reschedule appointments), or we are in public (grocery store), I am not as patient and enduring. Sure you could say, just leave the public place and go home, but that doesn’t work when I have errands that must get done. I also don’t handle them as well when they are happening on a regular basis. These fits take so much energy that I struggle to complete the things on my to do list. My parental patience has been depleted, and I am a nervous wreck at the end of the day.
Most of the time, Moanna is a lovely child. She has a great personality, compassion for others, an eagerness for life, and wit that you would never expect to see in a three year old. I am lucky to have her in my life. We just need to get these temper fits under control. I don’t know what we did to create this behavior, and we are struggling to find ways to correct it. I’d really hate to call in Super Nanny (wouldn’t that be a riot?), so if you have any wisdom to impart I would be eternally grateful!
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Oh my, Renee, we are going through the exact same thing w/Brenna. In the last month or so, she has also started these horrible temper tantrums where nothing…and I mean NOTHING helps. When we are in public, I try to ignore it, because I know that it will just make things worse if I acknowledge her fits. We have tried giving in (as you said, bad idea), we have tried time outs, quietly talking…nothing helps. Man how we would like some advice too. I am sure it is just the age, but really? However, it does seem to be a little comforting to know that maybe it isn’t just our bad parenting skills, and that there are other people out there who are having the same issues. Good luck!
It is comforting knowing that other kids are going through this too. Maybe is a phase, and not a result of some parenting mistake… What are we going to do?
Welcome to age 3, much much worse than the 2′s. The only encouragement I can give you is to be thankful she is a little girl and not a little boy.
She will grow out of it though. Noah has calmed down quite a bit now that he has started Pre-K.
Two was nothing… this is something serious
When I was teaching, I would always have a young 4 year old kindergarten student who would throw tantrums like this, and the best thing that I did was ignore it. It eventually gets better, but it takes a lot of patience.
At first I did the worst thing I could do–I changed MY behavior when a tantrum was happening and took the little girl on a walk to stop the crying. Then she expected something fun every time she didn’t want to work. It took a few months, but she eventually realized that I meant business and I wasn’t going to stop and cater to her every time she didn’t get her way.
I can only imagine living with a screaming child… Excedrin
I know I should be patient and ignore her, but golly it’s hard to keep a straight face and a calm demeanor when she is so relentless. At least she’s determined right?
Tati has been the same way. I’m hoping it’s a phase she’ll out-grow. Good luck! If I figure out some magical trick that works (bribery only works half the time), I’ll let you know. Promise you’ll do the same?
I think all the children are in cahoots! If I crack the code I will get back to you ASAP!
HAHAHAHA!!!! I’ve been feeling down lately because my kid is almost 30 and I’m getting….sooooo old! You just gave me a darned good reason to smile at my wrinkles tomorrow. I don’t have to go through this stuff with toddlers ever again!!!
I feel for you sweetie. I wish I had some wisdom to offer. They say consistancy is key to behavior modification. You all three had your moments. Josh being the most memorable at that age. I would try for hours to get him settled for the night so I could study…..he did get over it eventually, but I was sure someone would call the cops on me just for trying to get him in his carseat after leaving the grocery store without a sucker. Hang in there. You’re a loving and capable, compassionate mommy. And I know it’s hard to be tough.
Maybe this is a delayed reaction to your recent move, and she is having a hard time adjusting. (Just a guess, because I am certainly not an expert in child psychology.) I’m sorry that you guys are going through this.