Gratitude 04.25.2010
Today I am grateful for my church calling as the Relief Society Secretary of my ward. I was called as the secretary back in the beginning of December, and it has taken me until just now to be truly grateful for the job. If it were not for my calling, I can promise you I would not be attending church every Sunday.
Just a few weeks after receiving my calling, I had barely gotten my feet wet, Steve began traveling for work. After Moanna and I went to church without Steve for the first time, I wasn’t sure if I could do it again. In addition to the normal Sunday routine of getting dressed, getting to church semi-on-time, bribing Moanna to be good, taking her potty, taking her to nursery, picking her up from nursery, I also had a list of RS responsibilties that I had to take care of. I had to be at church early to make copies of handouts and talks, while Moanna was tearing up the church library. I had to make sure the roster was handed out and updated. I had to collect information at the end of church while Moanna ran down the halls.
At first, I was really frustrated with the situation. I had just been given a huge responsibility on top of everything else I have to accomplish in a week, and My husband, who by the way agreed to help and support me in this calling, was traveling for work everyweekend, leaving me to handle it all on my own. I already work 60+ hours a week, why did my one day off turn into another day of work?
I spent week after week on the verge of tears setting in the church peu because I felt like I was failing at everything. I couldn’t keep my child in line during church, I wasn’t doing my calling justice, and I was so exhausted that it was hard for me to feel the Spirit. After several months of the circus act that had become my Sunday, I finally realized why God called me to be the RS secretary. If my calling didn’t require me to attend church every Sunday (a once a month teaching calling wouldn’t have been enough), I probably wouldn’t have gone to church.
The Lord knew that it would be really hard on me for Steve to be out of town, especially on Sundays. On Sundays, it would be so much easier for me to stay home and rest, catch up on house work, forgo the fight to get Mo in a dress, to get dressed myself. If I didn’t “have” to go to church, if people were not depending on me to be there every Sunday, I would be skipping church on a regular basis. I am extremely grateful for my church calling, and thankful that it has kept Moanna and I in the routine of going to church while Steve is on the road.
Booger Face
I’ve not seen Miss Mo’ for more than five minutes a day all week, and some time days, I’ve not seen her at all. I miss that smiling face, boogers and all.
Sounds and Smells of a Spring Sunday
As I was prepping my front porch for a summer of writing and reading, I had to stop and breathe in the barbecue. Smells of brown sugar, chipotle and honey glaze flooded the air. My taste buds and stomach were aching for whatever was about to come my neighbors’ grill. The smell of barbecue was coming from all directions. It was intoxicating.
My vision of a heaping plate of ribs was interrupted by the sounds of a lawnmower coming from the next block over. As the lawnmower passed back and forth, the hum of the engine alternated between the sound of a helicopter landing and whispering hummingbird wings. The breeze picked up, and smells of freshly cut grass floated to my over grown lawn. I hadn’t noticed that my lawn was inexcusably past due for a trim until I began deeply inhaling the sent of a freshly manicured lawn that was not my own. I took a deep huffing breath, and added call lawn keeper to my mental to do list.
I was about to return to cleaning the porch, when I realized I was surrounded by the buzz of giant bumblebees that wanted to tango. I really wasn’t in the mood to dance, but it would be rude not accept the offer especially since my date could sting me if rejected. I must have been a poor dancer, I think I was nervous, because my date quickly abandoned me.
The breeze shifted directions, and brought with it the delicate smell of lilacs. I hadn’t seen a lilac one all Spring, but the sent is undeniable. I was immediately transported to springs of the past – playing in Nanny and PopPop’s yard, the dressing room during spring dance recitals, a particular curve in the road driving home from high school every night, my wedding bouquet.
Just as I was tapping into memories of past lives, my meditation was abruptly ended by the booming and vibrating bass coming from the car blazing down the street. It was no doubt a local teenager in a hurry to go no where. Perhaps he was rushing home in time for the ribs that were about to come off the grill, or maybe he was trying to get home and help mow the yard. More than likely, he was in a hurry to grow up, and the earth shaking bass was the power boost on his time machine. I sure hope he knows that if he ever needs to go back in time, to return to this Sunday afternoon, this day that he is so desperately trying to speed past, all he needs to do is close his eyes and breathe in the lilac.
Gratitude 04.05.2010
Today I am grateful for the light at the end of the tunnel. When you’re up to your neck in work and stress, knowing that there is an end in site can keep you forging ahead and fairly sane.
Today starts the beginning of a very busy week and month at work. It’s paralyzingly just thinking about how hectic April can be. To keep myself from being suffocated and consumed by everything that I need to accomplish in the month, week, day or even hour, I keep my focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.
“When April is over, I will have the summer months to look forward to.”
“There are only two more days left in this week then I will have Sunday to go to church and relax.”
“As soon as dinner is served I can go home and watch my favorite TV show.”
“I only have one more hour worth of information to get into the computer; when it’s all in, it will be time to eat lunch.”
I prefer not to wish my life away, but sometimes looking forward to the end (and giving myself small rewards like a second dessert) gives me the motivation to keep going and to do a good job.
I am grateful that there is always a light insight. Knowing that the tunnel can be only so long gives me permission to breathe and relax. I am thankful that April too shall pass, and at the end of that long tunnel, lies May.
Liver 4 Lightner – Round Two
In December of 2008, my father, George Lightner, received a liver transplant. Prior to his transplant he was very ill. He spent several months in liver failure at Duke waiting on a match. Just days before his transplant, he coded in the middle of the night. Thankfully the medical team was relentless in keeping him as healthy as possible until a liver became available to him.
Soon after his transplant, he began to have problems. The liver itself was functioning well and his body had accepted it with realitve ease. The problem was centered around the drains (bile ducts, I think) were not functioning properly. He was not gaining weight and was getting frequent infections which are life threatening to a transplant patient.
At first, the medical team at Duke thought the problem could be corrected through surgery. After looking into the problem further, and at the location of the drains, they realized this wasn’t an option. The only solution they had was to have the fluid that passes through the drains (I believe this is the waste that the liver produces) to be collected in an external bag (similar to a colostomy bag).
The external drains have to be changed every few weeks. This means that my Dad and his wife, Janet, have to travel from their home in Tennessee to Duke once or twice a month. After each drain change, my Dad is very sore and exhausted.He still has infections and still struggles with weight gain. His quality of life is miserable at best. He loves to work and be productive; ildleness is not in his blood. Patients that have external drainage bags only live for a year or two. Therefore the only real and permanent solution is for my Dad to have a second transplant.
To be listed for a second time, there are rings of burning fire that must be jumped through. Because of insurance contracts, he was initially denied re-listing. His case is so special and complicated that he had to go to the state of Tennessee to be granted permission. It’s a long story. After approval from the sate, he had to go through a lot of paper work and medical testing to make sure he was healthy enough to receive a transplant, but sick enough that a transplant was needed. Medicine is perplexing isn’t it?
Yesterday, we finally received confirmation that my Dad is officially on the liver transplant list! This is a major break through, and gives us hope that his quality of life may one day return.
It could take several weeks and months before a liver becomes available to him. He as B+ blood which is the rarest blood type. Only 8.5% of the population has this type of blood, and only 5% of the population in the Carolinas has this blood type. This is good news in the sense that fewer people are on the donor list with B+ blood. It is also bad news because fewer B+ livers are available. All we can do is hope and pray.
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Part of the transplant process is that the family is required to fund raise $10,000 to help cover the cost of recovery, rehabilitation and the large number of medications. He and his wife will also have to rent an apartment close to Duke during his recovery. The transplant team will allow him to accept the liver without the full amount of money, but in order for him to recover successfully, and with minimal stress to him and his wife, it is important to have these finances in place so that no step in the process is delayed waiting on money.
I am asking for your help. No amount is too small! I know times are tight right now, but if you have an extra dollar or $10, $20, $100 or more, it will make a huge difference in reaching the $10,000 we need.
I have setup a PayPal account dedicated to his fund raising. You may also donate by sending checks.
*To donate through PayPal: Please send money to liver4lightner@yahoo.com
*If you would like to donate by check please email me at liver4lightner@yahoo.com, and I will give you the information
Most importantly we ask for your prayers. Nothing can replace those! Pray for a liver, pray for the amazing team taking care of him at Duke, pray for his wife who is handling this beautifully, pray for a fast and speedy recovery.
Thank you all for your love and support! You too are in our thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Renee
