The Food Critic: Dinner Time Battles with a Toddler
If you’ve never thrown your hands up in frustration because your little one won’t eat anything with nutritional value that means one of two things. You either have a toddler with a palate of Anthony Bourdain who will eat anything you put in front of her, or you have magical powers and you need to share them with the rest of the class. I’m guessing that in 99% of you out there neither situation is the case, and you’ve been brought to tears or lost your temper because your toddler only eats a few select foods and none of them are nutritionally dense.
When Moanna was a wee one just learning to eat, she would eat anything – squash, green vegetables, fruits. She would eat almost anything you sat in front of her except for meat; she’s never been much of a meat eater. Dinner time with Moanna was always something we could look forward to because, “I wonder what new thing she’ll eat tonight?”
Fast forward to recent dinner time expeditions and now our attitude is, “I wonder if we can bribe her into eating something other than mac-n-cheese?” Dinner time has become a constant battle of wits and games. It’s exhausting. All parties involved are ready to throw dishes at each other by the time dinner is over.
“I don’t want this for dinner! I want a snack.”
“Moanna, this is what is for dinner.”
“I WANT A SNACK.”
“Moanna, this is what Mommy cooked for us.”
“I’M NOT HUNGRY! I WANT A SNACK.”
“Well if you want a snack, you’re clearly hungry.”
“SNACK.”
“NO.”
“I am NOT eating this stuff!”
Side conversation between Steve and I…
“She has to eat something.”
“Yes, she has to eat what I cooked.”
“Does it look like it’s going well?”
“No, but I am not going to become one of those moms that make seperate meals for the kids. Our children are going to eat what’s for dinner.”
Back to the main conversation…
“I’M NOT EATING THIS STUFF.”
“FINE! What do you want?”
“Mac-n-cheese please.”
“I’ve already cooked dinner. This one’s on you Daddy.”
My name is Renee, and I accept partial responsibility for the monster we’ve created. When I get home after a ten hour day, the last thing I want to do is spend whatever energy I have left on dinner time battles. It’s just so much easier to surrender because I have no fight left in me; I spent it all at work.
The worst part is that Moanna knows this. She knows that we’re tired and that we have too much on our plates. She knows when we’ve really had a rough day; she knows those are the days she can get away with cheese and fruit snacks for dinner. We’re all just puppets in her world. She gets complete enjoyment out of watching everyone dance around her.
We’ll I have news for you Missy. I’ve got no strings. This diet of snacking all day is going to stop. We’re also going to expand your palate beyond mac-n-cheese, cheese, bananas, fruit snacks, spaghetti, candy, strawberries, yogurt, cookies, cheesy eggs and snacks.
After a particularly brutal dinner time battle last week, I decided that I was done. I had worked a full day, gone grocery shopping, cooked Chicken Tortilla Soup from scratch and Moanna was not interested in what was on the menu. She was flexing her stubborn muscles to their fullest.
Steve and I were both tired. We were both on the verge of having a mental breakdown. He asked if he could make her mac-n-cheese. I said yes even though I meant no (she knows how to play us against each other). I was too tired to care at that moment and all I wanted to do was eat this delicious soup that I had spent the past hour making.
I took my frustration out on Steve. How could he let her have her way after so much time went into this dinner? He reminded me that I said yes. I told him that I really didn’t mean yes, and he should have known that.
This is where things can get controversial. Some of you are going to think I’m a cold hearted witch that is lingering on the edge of insane. That’s OK for you to think that because Steve will agree with you and it’s partially true.
This is where I stand on young children and food…
This is not a restaurant; I am not going to make separate meals for anyone who does not want what we’re having for breakfast, lunch or dinner. If you do not like what we’re having for dinner, that’s OK just don’t eat it. I am not going to ruin my dinner by arguing with you. If we are having dessert after dinner, you are welcome to have one serving of dessert if you tried at least one bite of everything for dinner. However, if you do not eat most of your dinner, you do not get to have snacks later, even if that means you go to bed a little hungry; trust me you won’t die. In the morning you are welcome to have what’s for breakfast; I will not make you eat last night’s dinner for breakfast. That’s just mean.
Steve’s feelings on where I stand…
I am cold hearted and evil. Moanna is too young to grasp the concept of “if you do not eat this, you will go to bed hungry.” He thinks it’s neglectful to put her to bed hungry. Moanna needs to eat SOMETHING even if it’s not good for her. If he didn’t make it clear the first time around, I’m evil.
My rebuttal…
It’s not evil or neglectful; it’s called tough love. Moanna is plenty old enough to understand that if she doesn’t eat what’s for dinner, she will go hungry – she is smarter than we realize. She’s not going to starve to death. It will only take a couple of times of standing our ground for her to realize that she can’t bully us into letting her get her way. She will learn to open up and like new foods.
Steve agreed to go along with my cold hearted plan as long as Moanna didn’t go to bed hungry more than a couple of nights in a row. I told him that it would only take a couple of times for her to get the picture. I also assured him that if I was cooking something I knew she loathed, there would be an alternate option but it would not be mac-n-cheese.
The next night she was not happy with us, but we stood our ground and she got the picture. The night after that she pitched less of a fit and ate a few bites. For the next few days she was off the hook because we were out and about, so we ordered foods we knew she would like. The same rules for dessert and snacks were applied.
Finally, on Friday night we had a serious breakthrough.
Steve and I made tilapia, brown rice and stir-fried veggies. Moanna immediately protested. She was not eating those vegetables. Had we lost our minds? Rice is not supposed to be brown, and fish is nasty. ”I just don’t want to eat this. I want something else,” and many other statements along the same line poured out of Moanna nonstop.
After about twenty-minutes I thought I was going to snap, but I didn’t have to go that far. A miracle happened.
“Moanna, after dinner we’re going to have special chocolate for dessert. Would you like to have some with us?’
“Yea!”
“Well in order to have special chocolate, I need you to take one bite of fish.”
Moanna hesitated for a minute, “OK… but just a little teeny bite.”
I gave her a bite. She took it. She studied it with her mouth for a minute chewing it, tasting it, and finally she swallowed it.
“Wasn’t that good?” I asked, really afraid of her answer.
“Yea. Can I have another bite?”
VICTORY!
Steve and I took turns giving her bites until it was almost gone. We even got her to eat two peas, and she finally agreed that rice can be brown sometimes.
I leaned over to Steve and whispered, “I win.”
“Si,” He responded.
LOLOLOLOL!!!!! Ask your momma and grandma about dinnertime battles when we were growing up.
I have twin 2 year olds, and I have one good eater and one picky one. Weird, since we’ve fed and treated them the same since birth. Our pediatrician told us the best thing to do was to just offer what we want to, and if she chooses not to eat, then so be it. He assured us that Sydney wouldn’t starve, and he was right. When Syd gets hungry enough, she eats veggies easily. The nice thing about doing it that way is that there are no battles. I just have to be sure to not offer junky snack options or she’ll wait until snack time to eat.
I’m taking notes…
Oh no, I hope Phoenix doesn’t start getting picky. I started him early with table food (7 months) and literally my child will eat anything. But he is only 13 months….
Have you tried organic snacks/foods? They make some really yummy stuff that is really good for you at the same time. Maybe she will like that?
BTW she looks just like you but blonde.
Another little helpful hint, let her help cook. It takes for f#cking ever but if she helped make it, she’ll have pride in it.
As the parent of a child who doesn’t EAT real food at all…I have to say I think you handled that well. If she is old enough to choose what foods she prefers then she is old enough to TRY what you put in front of her. Good going mama!
That was awesome! I laughed out loud at the sprinkles picture. (I frightened the dog…)
Never been to your site, but Twitter told me I had to visit… Very cool.
You handled it perfectly. I tell all three of my kids that if they see a menu on the table they can order what they want. If they don’t… tough. They’ll eat what I make or be hungry. They love me for it. Or not.
Good for you kiddo!! Ask me about those dinner time battles between GG, Aunt Jill and me when we’re off the record though…… . : )
OK you two lovely daughters of mine!!!!…Don’t pick on me because I am claiming ignorance. I did what my Mother did to me and I will now admit that it was wrong. We all learn by doing. If I had to do it again, I would not force you to sit at the table until you ate…..but you would get NOTHING if you didn’t eat what was on the table…not all of it but some of it. Too bad I can’t change the past…….in a lot of ways.
Way to go! Now, my oldest hasn’t really ever given me too much grief about eating. The boy is like a human garbage disposal and will eat — and love — nearly anything you put in front of him. I’ll make something new and not be happy with it at all, and he’ll say “this is delicious!” while wolfing it down. Now brussel sprouts — that’s a different story. He eats them, but not happily. My daughter was finicky about a few things, but we’ve always made the kids eat what we’re eating. She’s come around to eating lettuce, and she’s learned that most of what we make is delicious. I don’t know exactly how we’ve done it, but I do know that the not making separate dinners thing works pretty well. I’m guessing she realized the older kid was eating it, so it must have been okay? Anyway, at our house it’s one meal, one family, one table, that’s it. Let’s hope it continues to work when the baby starts eating solid foods.
I have to admit I am horrible with Elias. If he wont eat what I offer I cave and give him what he wants just so I know he has eaten something. BUT I wish I could be as strong as Renee and hold my ground cause it would make cooking dinner a lot easier.
Good job! That is exactly what my mom did to us growing up. I am a picky eater but I ate things I didn’t like a lot because I knew that mama wasn’t making anything else. She always said she wasn’t a short order cook.
Right now we are just starting table food and already my son is becoming picky. He has a thing about new textures I guess, because after a few days of the food he usually will eat it. My daughter on the other hand eats pretty much anything you give her. I am nervous about the food battles with Jaxson but I think I am going to take the same approach as you when he is old enough to understand it.
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yay victory!
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Thanks for the post. I am always looking for ways to improve my gardening and cooking skills. My family loves eating real food.