Me, Myself and Mommy

Last week I shared with you my weakness of eating out, and how it has cost me way more money than I’d care to add up. Without a doubt it’s in the thousands of dollars. How many thousands, it’s hard to say.

I am proud to say that I no longer medicate my stress, pain and loneliness with eating out. Although, I sure could use a plain double cheeseburger right about now, or creme brulee. We have saved tons of money in recent months by limiting how often we eat out. Our credit card debt is thankful for the extra cash we have been throwing its way. Our health is also grateful for nixing the deliciously bad for you food.

When it comes to food, I am more than happy to pay good money for a great meal. On our monthly date, I have no problems dropping $100.00 or more for an amazing dinner. Fewer things make me happier than fresh and sometimes organic (we are slowly making the switch) veggies, fruits, meats and herbs that I can make into something spectacular. However, there are certain foods that I am not willing to spend more than the bare minimum on.

Here are a few examples…

I buy the cheapest Roman noodles on the shelf. I will do the math to make sure that I am getting the best price on my Roman.

If meat isn’t on sale, we go vegetarian for the week.

I would rather spend my precious time washing, slicing, chopping and dicing fruits and vegetables than spend the few extra nickles on the stuff that is already precut and washed.

Steve and I share a stick of gum.

I will not spend more than $0.90 per can of Pringles, $1.25 for Hamburger Helper or $1.10 on a can of spaghetti sauce (unless it’ the really good stuff for a special occasion).

So tell me, what is the psychology behind all of this. Why am I such a cheap-o when it comes to gum and pasta, but I’ll spend my retirement fund on a single date without thought? If given the opportunity to travel the world for just the sole purpose of the eating foods of our seven continents, I would be tempted to take out a second mortgage on my home (I don’t own my home; we rent, but still). If you think I’m going to pay full price at the grocery store for cheese and chicken, you’ve gone mad.

What foods are you willing to spend your hard earned money on, and what foods do you think are criminal to pay even a dollar for?

This debate and struggle over what foods are worth spending money on, and what foods I am not willing to give up my pennies for is long from over. This is going to be an on going discussion here.

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Announcing the winner of the $25.00 gift certificate to Bonefish Grill

Congratulations Steph!!!

Steph shared the restaurant habits she and her husband share, “Wow that was great customer service!! We eat out once a week, but only somewhere we have a gift card or a coupon. I’d love to try Bonefish Grill!”

Thank you all so much for sharing your restaurant spending habits and dining out weaknesses. I loved having so many other perspectives on the subject. I could really relate too the whys behind dining out and your restaurant weaknesses.

Steph, I hope you and your husband have a great time at Bonefish Grill. I recommend starting with the Sesame Seared Tuna; it’s to die for.

February is notorious for being my least favorite month out of the year. It’s only 28 days long, but those 28 days drag on forever. It’s kind of like how it always gets really dark and cold just before dawn breaks. This February was no different. It wasn’t particularly horrible, but it was really hard to get through.

February began very snowy and very cold. It was painfully white and bleak,not exciting and inviting like the first snow storm of the season. Moanna wasn’t even interested in going outside to play. She and I suffered from cabin fever while Steve was snowed in in Norther Virgina.

Steve spent more days out of town in the month of February than he spent at home. He spent a full week in Miami and several other weekends away for work. I did not handle it gracefully at all. He plays a very active role in taking care of Moanna and helping care for the house. I am very blessed and spoiled, so when he wasn’t here to take over when I needed some time on the bench I lost it. I had to constantly remind myself that this was a transition period and that we were making the best decision for our family in the long run.

From afar, Steve did his best to help with Moanna over the phone. When I just couldn’t take it anymore he would talk to her and mediate our arguments over the phone. He also sang to her every night at bed time.

Steve was out of town for Valentine’s Day which was more than fine with me. I hate the holiday. He did have the audacity to send me a card in the mail. I think he forgot who he was dealing with for a minute. Despite my hate for the holiday, I did dress Moanna up in pink for church and celebrated the holiday with her.

Thankfully, my work load was fairly light in February (relatively speaking). We were really blessed that when Steve was out of town I was able to have a “normal” schedule. It made juggling Moanna and her needs easier than it could have been if I were slammed at work. I’m not sure what we’re going to do when things get really busy for me at work at the end of March and the month of April. It’s going to be a death defying feat to stay sane.

Because of our crazy schedules, we are home just long enough to tear the place apart. To help keep the house in working order we hired someone to clean the house every two weeks. It is money well spent. It forces us to pick up after ourselves so the housekeeper can come in and do her job. It’s nice knowing that we do not have to spend all of our time at home cleaning; we can now spend some of that down time relaxing.

As if the weather and Steve’s heavy travel schedule were not enough to make February epic, we found out that Steve has Celiac Disease. Essentially it is an allergy to gluten. It has been a life changing adjustment for Steve. He’s no longer able to eat some of his favorite foods unless it is modified to be gluten free. It has changed the way we shop for food, cook and where we can go out to eat. I will elaborate on this new development in a later post.

February and all of its misery reminded us to not take our time together as a family for granted. Steve and I have without question learned to appreciate each other more. We now have a better understanding of where the other person is coming from. We can appreciate the other one’s contributions to the family as well as their struggles in a way that we couldn’t before. Despite my hatred for February, I am grateful for the new perspective it has brought to our family.

If you’ve never thrown your hands up in frustration because your little one won’t eat anything with nutritional value that means one of two things. You either have a toddler with a palate of Anthony Bourdain who will eat anything you put in front of her, or you have magical powers and you need to share them with the rest of the class. I’m guessing that in 99% of you out there neither situation is the case, and you’ve been brought to tears or lost your temper because your toddler only eats a few select foods and none of them are nutritionally dense.

When Moanna was a wee one just learning to eat, she would eat anything – squash, green vegetables, fruits. She would eat almost anything you sat in front of her except for meat; she’s never been much of a meat eater. Dinner time with Moanna was always something we could look forward to because, “I wonder what new thing she’ll eat tonight?”

Fast forward to recent dinner time expeditions and now our attitude is, “I wonder if we can bribe her into eating something other than mac-n-cheese?” Dinner time has become a constant battle of wits and games. It’s exhausting. All parties involved are ready to throw dishes at each other by the time dinner is over.

“I don’t want this for dinner! I want a snack.”

“Moanna, this is what is for dinner.”

“I WANT A SNACK.”

“Moanna, this is what Mommy cooked for us.”

“I’M NOT HUNGRY! I WANT A SNACK.”

“Well if you want a snack, you’re clearly hungry.”

“SNACK.”

“NO.”

“I am NOT eating this stuff!”

Side conversation between Steve and I…

“She has to eat something.”

“Yes, she has to eat what I cooked.”

“Does it look like it’s going well?”

“No, but I am not going to become one of those moms that make seperate meals for the kids. Our children are going to eat what’s for dinner.”

Back to the main conversation…

“I’M NOT EATING THIS STUFF.”

“FINE! What do you want?”

“Mac-n-cheese please.”

“I’ve already cooked dinner. This one’s on you Daddy.”

My name is Renee, and I accept partial responsibility for the monster we’ve created. When I get home after a ten hour day, the last thing I want to do is spend whatever energy I have left on dinner time battles. It’s just so much easier to surrender because I have no fight left in me; I spent it all at work.

The worst part is that Moanna knows this. She knows that we’re tired and that we have too much on our plates. She knows when we’ve really had a rough day; she knows those are the days she can get away with cheese and fruit snacks for dinner. We’re all just puppets in her world. She gets complete enjoyment out of watching everyone dance around her.

We’ll I have news for you Missy. I’ve got no strings. This diet of snacking all day is going to stop. We’re also going to expand your palate beyond mac-n-cheese, cheese, bananas, fruit snacks, spaghetti, candy, strawberries, yogurt, cookies, cheesy eggs and snacks.

After a particularly brutal dinner time battle last week, I decided that I was done. I had worked a full day, gone grocery shopping, cooked Chicken Tortilla Soup from scratch and Moanna was not interested in what was on the menu. She was flexing her stubborn muscles to their fullest.

Steve and I were both tired. We were both on the verge of having a mental breakdown. He asked if he could make her mac-n-cheese. I said yes even though I meant no (she knows how to play us against each other). I was too tired to care at that moment and all I wanted to do was eat this delicious soup that I had spent the past hour making.

I took my frustration out on Steve. How could he let her have her way after so much time went into this dinner? He reminded me that I said yes. I told him that I really didn’t mean yes, and he should have known that.

This is where things can get controversial. Some of you are going to think I’m a cold hearted witch that is lingering on the edge of insane. That’s OK for you to think that because Steve will agree with you and it’s partially true.

This is where I stand on young children and food…

This is not a restaurant; I am not going to make separate meals for anyone who does not want what we’re having for breakfast, lunch or dinner. If you do not like what we’re having for dinner, that’s OK just don’t eat it. I am not going to ruin my dinner by arguing with you. If we are having dessert after dinner, you are welcome to have one serving of dessert if you tried at least one bite of everything for dinner. However, if you do not eat most of your dinner, you do not get to have snacks later, even if that means you go to bed a little hungry; trust me you won’t die. In the morning you are welcome to have what’s for breakfast; I will not make you eat last night’s dinner for breakfast. That’s just mean.

Steve’s feelings on where I stand…

I am cold hearted and evil. Moanna is too young to grasp the concept of “if you do not eat this, you will go to bed hungry.” He thinks it’s neglectful to put her to bed hungry. Moanna needs to eat SOMETHING even if it’s not good for her. If he didn’t make it clear the first time around, I’m evil.

My rebuttal…

It’s not evil or neglectful; it’s called tough love. Moanna is plenty old enough to understand that if she doesn’t eat what’s for dinner, she will go hungry – she is smarter than we realize. She’s not going to starve to death. It will only take a couple of times of standing our ground for her to realize that she can’t bully us into letting her get her way. She will learn to open up and like new foods.

Steve agreed to go along with my cold hearted plan as long as Moanna didn’t go to bed hungry more than a couple of nights in a row. I told him that it would only take a couple of times for her to get the picture. I also assured him that if I was cooking something I knew she loathed, there would be an alternate option but it would not be mac-n-cheese.

The next night she was not happy with us, but we stood our ground and she got the picture. The night after that she pitched less of a fit and ate a few bites. For the next few days she was off the hook because we were out and about, so we ordered foods we knew she would like. The same rules for dessert and snacks were applied.

Finally, on Friday night we had a serious breakthrough.

Steve and I made tilapia, brown rice and stir-fried veggies. Moanna immediately protested. She was not eating those vegetables. Had we lost our minds? Rice is not supposed to be brown, and fish is nasty. ”I just don’t want to eat this. I want something else,” and many other statements along the same line poured out of Moanna nonstop.

After about twenty-minutes I thought I was going to snap, but I didn’t have to go that far. A miracle happened.

“Moanna, after dinner we’re going to have special chocolate for dessert. Would you like to have some with us?’

“Yea!”

“Well in order to have special chocolate, I need you to take one bite of fish.”

Moanna hesitated for a minute, “OK… but just a little teeny bite.”

I gave her a bite. She took it. She studied it with her mouth for a minute chewing it, tasting it, and finally she swallowed it.

“Wasn’t that good?” I asked, really afraid of her answer.

“Yea. Can I have another bite?”

VICTORY!

Steve and I took turns giving her bites until it was almost gone. We even got her to eat two peas, and she finally agreed that rice can be brown sometimes.

I leaned over to Steve and whispered, “I win.”

“Si,” He responded.

Typically, Steve and I only go out to eat once a month for date night. Other than that, all of the food we eat must be purchased in a grocery store and prepared at home. Don’t get me wrong, we love going out to eat; it’s just not in the budget right now. Going out to eat (even fast food) gets really expensive really quickly. You’re literally eating your money – money that could be gong to more than a hundred other things.

For us, the money we used to use on eating out and picking up pizza and fast food on the way home now goes to paying down debt. Paying down debt is a top priority right now. It’s so infuriating that a big portion of our hard earned money goes to paying for our past. Ironically, a lot of the debt I incurred in college was due to going out to eat and inhaling fast food on the way to class. College was a low time for me, and I medicated my loneliness and depression by eating deliouscly bad for your body and bad for  your wallet food.

Because Steve and I have both been traveling for work this month, our restaurant bill is going to be much higher than we usually allow. Thankfully a good portion of it will be refunded to us in one shape or another – expense checks, tax deductions. When that money ultimately comes back to us it is going straight to debt. By that I mean, as soon as that money is placed in our hands, we are going to immedeatly make a payment for that exact amount to CC PURPLE (that is the credit card that we are currently attacking) so we don’t get distracted and think that money should go to cheeseburgers and new shoes.

OK enough out of me, it’s your turn. Time to face the reality of your restaurant expenses.

How often do you eat out?

How much money do you spend each month eating out? (This includes take out, fast food and delivery)

Why do you eat out as often or as little as you do?

What is your eating out weakness? Fast food? Pizza? Fine dining? Wings? Pizza? The family friendly chain restaurant?

GIVEAWAY TIME

Because we all deserve a break and to splurge once in awhile,I want to give one of you the opportunity to have a nice meal out on me. I am giving away a $25.00 gift certificate to Bonefish Grill to one lucky reader. All I ask in return is that you tip your server well.

Back in January, Steve and I went out to eat at Bonefish Grill in Charlotte, NC. We were there on a business trip for Steve and decided to have our date for the month while we were out of town. Steve and I didn’t notice because we were so busy talking and enjoying the time out, but apparently it took 45 minutes for our food to cook. The manager felt that it was unacceptable for us to wait that long, and paid for our dinner. We told him that it wasn’t necessary and that we didn’t even notice the wait, but he refused to let us pay. We even had to talk him into charging us a penny so that we could leave a tip for the excellent server on the credit card because we don’t carry cash. As if paying for our dinner wasn’t enough, on the way out the door, the manager gave us an envelope with a $25.00 gift certificate in it for our next visit.

Since Steve and I already had our dinner paid for, we felt that we should pass our good fortune onto someone else.

Rules of giveaway.

1. To enter, answer one of the questions above in the comments section below.

2. Mom, Grandma, Auntie Jill, Husband, Brothers, Jai, Moanna… all family… you are welcome to share your stories, but will not be selected to win.

3. If your comment doesn’t show up right away, don’t panic, it will show up shortly.

4. On March 29, 2010 (Monday) at 10:00AM, I will close the comments and randomly select a winner.

5. The winner of the $25.00 gift certificate to Bonefish Grill will be announced on March 30, 2010 with another Me, Myself and Money post.

There is no getting around it. We spent more money in February than we made. OUCH. However, once you dig into a little bit, it’s not as bad as it first looks. It still stings, just not as bad.

In the month of February we made $5,400.83. However, we spent $6,349.72. To get right to the point, this means we are in the hole by $984.89 for the month of February.

Let’s take a look at the damage, shall we?

A few things to point out about the expenses…

CC stands for credit card. RSL-1 stands for Renee Student Loan 1. RSL-2 stands for Renee Student Loan 2 which is paid quarterly.

Living expenses include rent, utilities, cell phone and renters insurance.

First thing’s first, the biggest expense was to the Church. It was our tithing from December and January (plus a donation to Haiti) which is money we were holding in our tithing account. If you subtract that from the February spending total, it puts us back in the green. Not great news, but I think my hernia is gone.

The next thing you will notice is that our living expenses are less than $200.00. That’s because we paid most of our living expenses for February in January. Don’t worry, next month’s expenses will jump right back up.

The medical expenses are mostly for my medical drama in 2009. Don’t get me started again about medical costs . About $100.00 is for new medical and dietary adventures that we’ll get into later.

The fact that the gas and grocery bill for February is so high irks me, mostly because those are two of the expenses that we have the most day-to-day control of. In January we depleted our pantry of a lot of food, so that had to be restocked, and Steve had to buy groceries when he was in Miami for a week. We also had to start buying more expensive foods because of that dietary adventure I told you we’d get into later.

On the subject of gas and groceries, we use CC YELLOW to pay for our gas and groceries, and then we pay off that card each month, well most months. Starting in March the balance will be completely paid off, and we will continue to pay it off each month. Because of this, it looks like we are spending more money than we actually are. We track the gas and grocery purchases, and the CC YELLOW payments. I just realized this problem half way through February, and still haven’t come up with a solution. Well, I came up with the solution of simply not using CC YELLOW, but Steve shot that down. I really don’t have time to get into that now, but don’t you worry; it’s on my list of things to write about. The whole point of this was to say that the $600.00 we paid to CC YELLOW should be subtracted from the total expenses because it looks like we are paying for things twice. Does this make sense? I am so confused. All of this would be solved by not using CC YELLOW, but it would create new challenges.

This month we made about $300.00 outside of our normal income. We took that money and applied it directly to CC PURPLE. We paid  the $300.00 plus the minimum payment of about $150.00. Take that CC PURPLE! That was one of our financial victories of the month. Now if we can keep snowballing that credit card, it will be paid off in no time.

What else is there to point out? Oh yeah, we hired someone to clean our house biweekly. At first it was hard for me to give into the idea of a “cleaning lady,” but after throwing myself on the couch on a regular basis because I couldn’t I keep up with Moanna, Steve, a demanding job, housework etc., I surrendered. It’s still hard for me to pay someone to do things that I can do for myself, but I feel no shame. My fits on the couch are for completely different reasons now.

The practice of tracking every penny and dollar we make and spend is still new. This adventure has been a real wake up call, and by tracking our spending throughout the month and studying our finances on a regular basis have more control over our money. We can see where it is going, and what we need to do to refocus and stay on track to accomplish our financial goals. February at first glance made me panic. Once I studied the spending, I realized that the overage was reasonable and anticipated.