The Disappearing Fish Act: From the Fish Tank to the Toilet Bowl
I am convinced that fish tanks were invented to teach children about death. The end.
Actually, I do have more to say…
We do not have pets (minus the fish that we will get to in a minute). We don’t have the time or money to properly care for a pet. Despite the fact that I really want a puppy (a basset hound puppy because oh my goodness the floppy ears are so darn cute), it’s not an option. We can barely take care of Moanna as it is.
We were rolling along just fine with our pet free life until Christmas came, and my parents thought it would be a great idea to get Moanna a fish tank. “It’s just a little one and a half gallon tank. It will only hold a few small fish. We’ll go out and buy the fish and help her set it up. All you’ll have to do is feed them.It’s not that big of a deal.”
LIARS!
For a few days, maybe even a week or so, thing went fine. Moanna fed the fish every night, and watched them eat for a few minutes. It was a nice way to transition into from running around the house like crazy to bed time.
One day, I looked in the tank, and someone was missing. I searched all over for that fish, but he was no where to be found. This would have been a prime opportunity to teach Moanna about how things die, but without a fish corpse, there would be no toilet funeral. As any mature parents would do, we pretended we knew nothing about it. There were still five fish in the tank, and they swam around so fast she wouldn’t notice.
A few days later, another fish went missing. Again, it left with no signs of its whereabouts. What on Earth? There was no evidence of fowl play, or any of that webby stuff that appears in fish tanks when there is a dead fish around. The tank was sparkly clean and none of the other fish looked suspicious or distraught. Again, another prime opportunity to teach Moanna about the circle of life, but with no fish body visual aid.
Another week of fish feeding passed with no mention of the missing fish. Moanna didn’t notice, and we didn’t dare bring it up. What would we say, “The aliens took them”? Probably not a good move because then we would have to explain the concept of aliens.
Last Monday, I was picking out jammies for Mo to wear to bed, when I looked in the tank and saw two fishing lying on the bottom of the tank. These were not the two fish that were missing. No, they were freshly dead fish. We started with six and a few weeks later we’re now down to two. Moanna would surely notice that big of a difference. What do we do? With fish bodies, we no longer had the excuse of not having anything to show of their passing.
I informed Steve of the news, and asked him what he thought we should do. He checked out the situation, and asked me to fetch a fork and a cup. I did as told. Steve extracted the dead fish and discarded them.
That’s right. We did not step up to the plate. In fact, we struck out. We had three prime opportunities to teach Moanna all about the circle of life, and we whimped out. Losers. Wusses. I know, I know. We should be ashamed of ourselves.
Get this…
The next morning Steve comes out of Moanna’s room and goes, “You’re never going to believe how many fish are in the tank!”
“On no, they’re all gone.”
“Nope. There are four!”
“No Way?”
“I’m not kidding. The two that were missing are back!”
I went in to count them for myself. He must have seen the reflection in the glass and counted the same two twice. I wasn’t buying it. I went in and counted… one… two… THREE… FOUR… WHAT!? Where did they come from? Where had then been? It’s a fish tank miracle.
As romantic as that may be, the reality is this. We think they swam or got sucked into the filter (they are tiny fish). When Steve extracted the dead fish, he pulled the filter out of it’s compartment a couple of times in a plunging motion to stir the water up. When he did this the fish escaped the dark filter cave and returned to their happy little tank to live happily ever after. At least that’s what we think happened… You never know, it could be a fish tank miracle. “God bless everyone.”
So yes, I fully believe that fish tanks were invented to teach children about death, but we were not prepared for such an opportunity. Plus our fish tank kit didn’t come with a pamphlet called, “Your New Fish Tank: A Guide to Teaching Your Children About the Circle of Life.”
Can you imagine the conversation we would have had to have with Moanna when the fish reappeared if we had told her that they died?
“Mommy! My fish are back! I thought you said that when things die, we don’t see them again until we die or until Jesus returns.”
“Ummm… ugghhhh…” “Are we dead? Is Jesus back?” “Ummm… ugghhhh… well… Surprise! We bought you new fish as a surprise.”
“Mommy! You did!?”
That’s how we do things in the Adam’s house. Fish are magical, and Santa brings babies.
The end.
Prev Post -> Piggy Banks and Purse Change
Those sneaky little rascals, hiding out in the filter like that. Don’t feel so bad about wussing out on the death conversation — I would’ve wussed out, too!
[...] Me, Myself and Mommy » Blog Archive » The Disappearing Fish Act … [...]
Oh no! That is a hard loss for little one’s
I remember bringing my three goldfish to school when I was in 4th grade. Naturally, everyone was interested in them and I let everyone play with the bowl. At the end of the day, all my fish had died due to the constant stimulation from the mass of children who played with the bowl. It was tragic for me, but it taught me to appreciate and care for things more. So I hope the experience was not too bad for your little one.
HUMMMMMM! I would check the floor around the tank. Does it have a lid? Sometimes these little fellows get jumping around and cavort right out of the tank. Stir up the gravel, they may be decaying there……Not a pleasant thought. Or…..what kind of fish do you have. Some are carnivorous!! I used to have a beautiful 30 gallon tank and one evening I got distracted and killed the entire tank of beautiful angels and silver dollars. Guess I need to say what happened. It was the evening of the gulf war and they were televising it. What a spectacular new event!!!! I was testing the water with chemical and was totally engrossed in the TV program. Without a though, I tossed my testing chemicals into the tank. When I did it; I thought OH S—!!! but I didn’t know what to do. Hind sight was to immediately remove the fish and do a water exchange. But I went into denial and the next morning….everyone was floating. I never got over it!!!! I really loved those beautiful fish and I killed them.
This was a fun read. Seems like a sitcom episode! And who knew… fish really DO have magical powers.
You had me on the edge of my seat for awhile. I was afraid my granddaughter had developed an appetite for sushi. OMG !! What if the fish removed with the fork and cup were just sleeping? You big fish meanies….. There is a certain comfort in honesty somtimes. ie: ” Goodness Mo, it appears a couple of fish are missing; I wonder what on earth happened to them? I hope they turn up.” Wait for her to question, throw out a couple of possibilities as an explanation, see what happens next. Or then again, maybe the reappearing fish were somthing miraculous to get you ‘off the hook’ Hmm…. PS : I LOVED THIS ONE!
I also thought you were going to get around to telling us that Mo ate the fish! We practiced “if they don’t ask, we don’t tell” in our house, believing Nic wasn’t ready to understand that which he didn’t even notice.
Now that is a cute story. Glad you didnt have the talk as that would have been difficult to explain. We had a fish for two weeks and then he jumped out of the tank one night. I found him because I stepped on him the next morning and he was still alive. I didnt know they could do that and that was the end of our fish days. I felt so bad for the little guy.