About the Green Poop…
Are you tired of hearing about the epic tale that is Moanna’s poop?
I don’t blame you, but at least you’re not the one cleaning it up. You don’t have to look at it, smell it, touch it. You just have to listen to me gripe about it.
Last week, when Moanna’s minor cough turned into coughing fits that caused her to throw up all over my kitchen floor (wait, wasn’t this supposed to be about green poop?), we decided it was time to visit the doctor. I’m not one to run to the doctor, but when coughing turns into puking, it’s time to go.
The doctor walked into the office. “Good to see you, Renee. What’s been going on with Moanna the last few days?”
Before I could speak, before the doctor could sit down, Moanna touched her throat and said, “My cough is bothering me.”
“Your cough is bothering you? Are you four years old now?”
“No, I’m two.”
“She’s only TWO?”
“Yea. About two-and-a-half actually.”
“She’s very articulate. I can’t get my adult patients to communicate what’s bothering them.”
“I guess she’s good at communicating.”
“Excuse me. My cough is bothering me. When I cough, it makes my throat hurt.”
“Seriously, she’s brilliant. Where is she going to college? Did your grades come easily to you in school?”
(Yes, this is a post about poop… it’s coming don’t worry. I just want to take a short moment to brag that the doctor was VERY impressed with my child. Doctors are not impressed with children. They think that kids develop at their own pace, and that we shouldn’t get excited if they are ahead or behind. For parents of young children, impressed doctors are a big deal.)
Moving on…
The doctor checked Moanna out, and decided that it was probably viral bronchitis. He gave her a breathing treatment and sent us on our way with two inhalers. Her cough cleared up immediately, and she returned to her highly spirited self.
That evening, Moanna and I were snuggling on the couch, when she started to complain of her tummy hurting. A few minutes later, she got a funny look on her face that I knew only meant one thing. She had pooped.
Let me just tell you, I have never seen poop that green before. It was fertilized grass green. I’m talking, the green from the eight-pack of crayons you have in the diaper bag green. It was that green. Green and smelly. It smelled of rotting eggs and toddler poop to the nth degree. Steve almost puked from the smell. It was green and smelly and slimy. Think of the bottom of a pond. No, think of a river in late August when it hasn’t rained in weeks. You know the spots where the water gets trapped? The spots where the water gets hot, sticky, green and stinky. THAT is what Moanna’s poop was like.
Do you feel bad for me yet?
No?
We went through this four times in a span of two hours – four times in two hours. Thankfully, thank-full-y, we switched from big-girl undies to pull-ups.
Come on. You have to have a little bit of sympathy for me. Just a smidgen.
I didn’t realize that viral bronchitis could come with green, smelly, slimy poop. As if the constant runny nose, and puke all over my kitchen floor weren’t enough, we had to add poop to the equation.
There you have it. The triple threat. Puke. Poop. Snot.
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I am soooo sorry for you!! I feel sympathic!! My almost 3 year old had some interesting poop this morning and decided since it got on his hand while I was making breakfast, that he would wipe it all over the t.v., side of the couch and down the wall
So yes, I feel very sympathic toward poop stories today!!
That sounds terrible. My son (who just turned 3) recently went through a bout of bronchitis and the antibiotics they gave him gave him horrible diarrhea. The pharmacist sold us some packets of “Florastor” which are “good bacteria” that you mix with water or juice and helps to stop diarrhea naturally.
It could be funny in about 10 years? Or maybe God is giving you this experience as a gift to use as blackmail Moanna in her teenage years? Mehe hopefully you’d never need it, though!
AHHHHHHHHHHH THE JOYS OF MOTHERHOOD!!!!!!!
I do have to tell you about your Mother…….she’ll love me for this. When she would have an upset stomache, she would hollar for me and say I’m sick. I’d hollar back, while running to her,”run to the toilet.” I’d reach her and she was just frozen in place with this pathetic look on her face and just let it fly. Doesn’t matter where she was. Bed, furniture, floor; whatever. She just couldn’t get her feet moving toward the toilet. So, all we Mothers can very much sympathize. Men usually disappear when this occurs.
I’m assuming this doctor was Dubit. He is very, very interested in smart children as he has a few of his own. So his comments should be taken to heart as he knows of what he speaks. His children were always outstanding in art, etc….what I have been exposed to.
Oh yeah, I remember your momma’s puking in place. What Grandma forgot to mention is one of those places it flew on was her big sister in the back seat of the car. Whichever direction her face was pointed was where it was going and inevitably, she’d look at me after she announced she was sick and I had no place to go! I’m so thankful my kid didn’t have the poop sculpting gene. That would have done me in….
wow, i feel for you. that just sounds like a mess and a half.
though when it comes to mo being articulate…is she ever! i’ve actually had to remind myself a few times that she is just super awesome and that it’s okay that my little girl can’t talk like that:) and i totally get what you mean about doctors, it feels pretty darn good when a doctor is impressed with a kid, that must have felt fabulous!
Aww, poor little Moanna. I hope she’s feeling better. And poor you and Steve! Sure, it’s our job as parents to clean up our pre-potty kidlets, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a stinky, dirty job. Pew!